Still Figurin' Out Who I Think I Am

This one's about deep thoughts, knowing, and pets.

"Knowing what you now know about 'Deep Thoughts' and 'Fun Facts' write a few of your own. Write as many as you want, but try to write at least two of each."

What's up you guys? Believe it or not, this prompt is harder than it looks for me...primarily because I rely more on instinct than actual thinking. You can put that on my gravestone.

When I first started watching Saturday Night Live in my teens, one of the parts I looked forward to was "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey". I have no idea why...maybe 'cuz he had a cool name, or that they were wildly funny at the time, I don't know. That could be around the same time I realized that being funny would actually take some work, and maybe I wasn't quite cut out for a full-time career making people laugh.

But I'm game for this challenge, because what am I if not competitive? Even though I feel like in every entry I've written this month I've said "...and there's a fun fact about me."

I once won an award, I think in middle school, for science...and I found it odd, because I've never enjoyed science classes. It may have been because I scored really high on some kind of standardized test, but I can assure you I didn't study for it.

In elementary school, I was part of a group audition for the PBS show Reading Rainbow. I thought I'd get to meet LeVar Burton, but that wasn't part of the deal. I just got stuck in a room full of kids my age and was asked a lot of questions. I think I was too nervous to nail the role of "kid in the crowd being read to by a strange grown-up".

Despite being super nerdy-lookin' in high school, I twice won the "Presidential Physical Fitness Award"...which basically was a patch and a certificate for doing enough sit ups, push ups, and chin ups in a minute, plus running a mile under a certain period of time, and some bizarre event called "the shuttle run". Like most of you have never had to use math in your life, I've failed to see the importance of running 20 feet to a line, picking up a block, running back to where I started, setting the block down, running another 20 feet to pick up a second block, and coming back. But I was good enough to get a piece of paper that had a stamp of the president's autograph on it.

Always a groomsman, never a groom.

I've broken a lot of bones...both on my body, and on other people's bodies (not maliciously though).

I'm using bullet points, Suge Knight killed somebody last week, Missy Elliott was on TV during the Super Bowl, and both Julie D - PUBLISHED! and Creeper Of The Realm are blogging this month...it feels like 2008 all over again.

There...that satisfies Brother Nature 's prompt, and maybe some of your curiosity. Now for more words...

"'If you don't know where you're going, any road will take you there.' -George Harrison. Do you agree or disagree?"

You know I love me some Beatle logic. And of course I agree with this statement, because of its inverse...when you know the road you're on, it will take you to where you want to go. Thanks, Captain Obvious!

Now, I may not be the smartest man, and I don't know what the future holds. Does that mean I don't know where I'm going? Not necessarily. But I know where I've been, and that's led me to here and to knowing where I don't want to be. I could probably talk about this for hours without saying anything, so I'll spare us both the trouble and move on to something else.

"What was your first pet? If you've never had a pet, what is your dream pet?"

Personally, I've never had a pet. My dad and stepmother had cats and at one time a dog, and the ex I lived with had cats, but no, I've never actually had a pet of my own to take care of.

I'm kinda allergic to certain cats, actually...and let's be real. Some cats can definitely be douches with their pompous attitudes and behaviors. Fuck that...I know people who don't get treated the way some people treat their cats. There's reasons why you can't rent apartments in some places if you have a cat, and it goes beyond the principle that cats like to think they own shit.

But dogs though...dogs are cool. They don't give a shit as long as they're fed and aren't bred to kill anything that isn't the person who cares for them. Like I mentioned, my dad and stepmom had a dog...a boxer/husky mix that was probably pitbull as well, and Butch had a temper. He eventually had to be put down because he randomly attacked a little kid, if I remember correctly...but he was an animal (no pun intended) to begin with. I'll go out on a limb and say he wasn't trained or brought up right, which looking back doesn't surprise me because some dogs need certain environments to thrive and I don't think Butch had that...but what do I know? All I know is that I could barely bring DMFM to the p's crib without him getting attacked by Butch, who was tethered to a chain in the backyard but wanted desperately to eat Dave and his six foot ass alive.

Now y'all know I'm a fairly easygoing person...don't fuck with me and I probably won't fuck with you ("probably" being used here is subjective). But please don't expect me to sleep with your animal. I'm a slightly grown man. I'm somewhat domesticated. I value uninterrupted nappy time ('cuz I'm an adult! ). I don't need my sleeping space compromised by needy pets who think it's their right to sleep on top or amongside me...I've got enough trouble sleeping as it is without being hemmed in on either side by someone who can't say thank you.

But my optimal pet? Dammit. A person I can lovingly consider "my pet" as a term of endearment (not that I would ever call someone that, because that's just awkward and weird). Someone who can be shifty and cunning like a cat, but loyal and loving like a dog. Smart but simple. Puts up with me because I give them something to eat that isn't feces or random weirdness. Loves me simply because I'm me and not because I know where the warmest spots are in the house so they can shove their ass right up in it.

Maybe I need a goldfish.

I'm so ready for today's installment of "The Soundtrack of Your Life" . Why? Because I woke up this morning and it was snowing like a champ outside, so fuck that because reasons. I'm craving me some summer, some beach, some not-giving-a-fuck. And here's where this song comes in.

I never got into Dinosaur Jr. so I don't have a frame of reference with J. Mascis. But when I heard this on MTV2 one day in the legendary Ruckushouse apartment I shared with DMFM, it was like spring had suddenly sprung. Next-level guitar telling me to roll down the window, crank the knob as far as it'd go, and embrace warmer weather. There are a few songs on my playlist of springtime "yeah it's here, and I need this" jams, and this is the funnest of the ones that aren't Public Enemy (who I'm sure will make my 2015 list at some point).

"Where'd you go? I got time, please take me instead.
Gotta know; the urgency shot right over my head."
Lyrics .  

And this happened....J. Mascis covering Mazzy Star's great "Fade Into You"  .

And then this happened, because I frickin' loved this show and would watch it on a tiny black-and-white tv in my bedroom after school...a goddamn Saved By The Bell reunion  . Don't hate. You know you watched it too.

Alright, I know I've caused enough problems in your life for today, so I'm gettin' outta here. Peace, it's not wrong, and GOODNIGHT NOW!!

Kelly was my girl, yo.