Wondering about my Wanderings

Giving Permission to Die

Giving Permission to Die written by Henri Nouwen

One of the greatest gifts we can offer our family and friends is helping them to die well. Sometimes they are ready to go to God but we have a hard time letting them go. But there is a moment in which we need to give those we love the permission to return to God, from whom they came. We have to sit quietly with them and say: "Do not be afraid ... I love you, God loves you ... it's time for you to go in peace. ... I won't cling to you any longer ... I set you free to go home ... go gently, go with my love." Saying this from our heart is a true gift. It is the greatest gift love can give.

When Jesus died he said: "Father, into your hands I commit my Spirit" (Luke 23:46). It is good to repeat these words often with our dying friends. With these words on their lips or in their hearts, they can make the passage as Jesus did.

This is a Christmas gift of some sorts. I could not help think of the death of my mom as I read this. Giving oneself or someone else permission is a liberating act. One of the greatest gift my mother offered me was the permission to pursue a dream, not knowing where this dream would take me. I had been in a state hospital no more than two years before I came out to Kansas City from Massachusetts to pursue a dream to become an ordained pastor.

It was not easy. I came to a place where I did not know anybody, I had no job, housing or guarantee that I would even survive. I have seen a lot since the day I left home. I did become a pastor for a time, was married, had three children and at the moment have three grandchildren. It was all because mom let me go to pursue a dream, knowing that I might never come home to live again. With that in mind I need to let her go into a land I know only as a dream. It seems only fair, knowing that she is in a better place and in her own way paved the way for us to follow when it was the time of any of us to go.