My Newbie is Showing

It’s a Pepto Bismal Kind of Day

The first drumbeats of winter have hit. The people in the City should know how to prepare for winter. But instead, we have the usual amount of errant travelers and an irresponsible State government intent on screwing things up for everybody. Today is classic.


I allowed myself the usual hour to drive the 16 miles from my home to St. Paul in rush hour traffic. My first hint that something was amiss is that I was so intent on the bumper to bumper traffic that when I heard the squeal on the windshield. Another windshield wiper that could not handle the ice and frost on the windshield bit the dust. I was threading the needle at 10 miles an hour in stop and crawl traffic, so I had no fear of the dang thing flying off and hitting anybody behind me. But just in case I lost it, I started running down places close to my office building that would sell car parts.


When stuck in turtle race traffic, it is always good to have some entertainment. Mine was the car in front of me being driven by a 40-ish type guy was pretending to be 20 something. My first clue that he was 40ish, is that he could afford a newer Lexus station wagon. My second clue that he was trying to be 20 something is that he was wearing his baseball cap on backwards and had two green turtle crystalline mobiles hanging behind the two front seats. My third clue that he was 40ish is that he was wearing a black wool coat with four buttons adorning the cuffs. I could see this because he dangled his pudgy fingers out the driver’s side window every once in a while to tap ash off his fat black cigar. Or maybe driving around in 30 degree temps with your window wide open because you just have to smoke that stogie is a 20 something fetish.


I was contemplating this when two cars aced in front of me and I lost my opportunity to investigate further. That was also about the time I rolled over somebody else’s windshield wiper. It was going to be one of “those” days.


Usually by the time I hit the 4 mile marker traffic clears. Not today. The little birds were flying faster. It was not until I hit the 12 mile marker that I could gun it to 20 miles an hour. The slowness is a result of the Governor’s initiative to close traffic lanes in anticipation of winter driving. After all, he can find construction crews that can work in the bitter cold and so what if the construction materials will crumble by Spring thaw? Who cares that this foray into stupid will double and triple the price tag? (Can you tell frivolous spending is a hot button topic for me?)


Just to set the scene a little, my office building is really a converted mansion from bygone days. It sits on this steep grade hill that is all of two blocks long. In the summer it is fun to climb and coast down that hill. In the winter when there is snow and ice? Not so much. I took the long way around and saw an odd sight on Grand Avenue. There were orange construction flags marking the corner where my pharmacy is located. Now I know they were working on the building in September and October, but they should have been done. I have this horrible feeling they are going to start tearing up that main thoroughfare for some obtuse reason that only politicians can contrive.


In the meantime, I am just shaking my head. Winter construction? Really?


So when I do finally get to work 75 minutes after I start out, I am ambushed by my boss who needs things right now. One client in this office, three more in the upstairs conference room and everybody needs everything right now. Oh, Mighty Stairmaster, I do not need thee. I have a boss who cannot make up his mind and it is up and down stairs for half hour.


I was going to demand a pity party, but then a major case settled and the only expression that is apropos is “Oh, what a relief it is.”