Shouts From Down Under

Barbecuesky - A gathering of people enjoying a cease-fire...

Novelty Gifts to celebrate Russia's internationally declared ceasefire in the non-invasion of (what country again?-) Ukraine could be the next trend, don't you think?

Essential inclusion, in the old Kremlin's conference room fridge / freezer compartment, would have to be the AK47 icecube trays.

http://www.awesomeinventions.com/shop/ak47-ice-cubes/



Probably one tray will do, because any Muscovite who matters will be in Crimea, Donetsk or even Kiev, attending the Euro-maidan Aftermath Peace Party / Barbie. And all that Motherland, horilka induced, lateral position brotherhood, will justify having a huge gathering of every Kosak, a both-sides-barbecue, perhaps in the "peacefully acquired" Peninsula. Yes, that's where it should be held, (at gunpoint) along with all the willing constituents of that tourist infested area.
The tourists have probably flocked there to see the special Navy-Cadets-in-tears Humiliation Event- the lowering of one flag and raising of another, as they enthusiastically hand over the one thing they loved (apart from their original sovereign borders), their beloved ship.



Old mate in charge of the big R / world power, Moscow-was-here-before-Kiev-wasn't- it-(?) place, will probably break into a victory sweat from all the admiration, people joyful over the overnight lack of food, services, power, water and such like, and of course, cheap property prices from the invasion they had to have.
Yes, nothing like the thrill and ecstasy of a 90 odd percent result in a referendum, to get that "we know we're so loved by the locals" perspiration flowing, and increase the need for a shower. No one wants the ceasefire operating theatre to smell bad, or to appear less than hygienic.
Shower, bath, whatever it is, this is the perfect gift for Vlady.

http://www.awesomeinventions.com/shop/blood-bag-shower-gel/
http://www.awesomeinventions.com/shop/blood-shower-curtain/
http://www.awesomeinventions.com/shop/blood-bath-mat/

OH! And no celebratory function, BBQ, or party "succeed" would be complete without Kremlin endorsed merchandise, being the Glasnostic, Perestroika-d cutting edge 2014 techno savvy, peace-loving, WW3-enabled, militarized recipients of these novelty ideas.
What would be more popular than some T-shirts encouraging your neighbors healthy habits, and giving the nod to the Ukrainian unofficial currency in one go?

http://www.awesomeinventions.com/shop/alcohol-is-a-solution-t-shirt/

And, instead of firing bullets at your fully independent, orange revolutionised, and separated-since-August-24-1991-neighbour, or putting any unseemly pressure, or bias, into their democratic processes, why not revise that projected aggression into a more appropriate acknowledgement of their national beverage? Yes, what a way to take over the party, and this one will be a winner, whether it's red, white, blue or yellow in colour.

http://www.awesomeinventions.com/shop/alcohol-shot-gun/

There will be lots of peaced-out Ukrainians crashing the party of course, and they won't mind voting for the other side, I'm sure, as long as their "dreamed up" history and ancestry is awarded a condescending, perfunctory thumbs up; a couple of lucky dip prizes for which Malaysian Airlines will be M2 BUK-ed next, or lucky door prize Chernobyl survivor certificates, with novel Pripyat-Population-Pzero key-rings attached.

After all, Chernobyl was all their fault, wasn't it? Those provincial peasants who kept back food during the hard years of Common Sense Collective Farming, just to feed their children. The audacity of these recalcitrant patriots, thinking they know when to plant their crops, and expect some food themselves!

http://www.awesomeinventions.com/shop/blooming-flower-baby-bath/
http://www.awesomeinventions.com/shop/blue-baby-bean-bag/

Still, you can't have all the goodies that should belong in Putin land, can you?
Just enjoy the Vodka that mutes your parent's depression, and keep away from that other tourist destination, Hitler's bunker near Vinitskaya, in case you get blown up again. Forget Vinitsia, A more advisable choice for Putey-baby, would be to holiday on the dark sand beaches of Odessa, putting to use another of these gifts that we'll recommend, after that Ukrainian city is also peacefully cease-fired as well, of course. Funny how invasions can be shaped like Barbecue tongs, getting that nice pincer movement around another nations land.

Yes, every Ukrainian should appreciate the selection, and choice for that last minute gift idea, to send to their boy-next-door fave friend, Vladey Putey, and all in one easy online shop. Just use your credit card- after the corruption induced ban from overseas has been lifted, that is.

http://www.awesomeinventions.com/shop/

Or you could use your plastic fantastic and get in early, get your extended Russian Ukrainian Genuine Ceasefire Sale by shopping for Chrissy in Chicago at the RR#1 shop, Ukrainian Village.



You know, sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, isn't it? But I'm allowed, because I live on the backside, lowest left cheek, of the globe. And in Tasmania, wit can have double meaning, coming from two heads, so to speak.

Sarcasm, and jokes aside, I'm not Ukrainian, or Russian. There is no way I could possibly write about these issues with any accuracy, surely.
All I know is, we have lots of barbecues in Australia, and to enjoy barbecued meat, it needs tenderising.

Thing is, if you hammer meat to tenderise it, give it the old one-two blows to make it more malleable, masticate-able and more-ish, then you have to watch out you don't hit your own meaty fists with the hammer or tongs, or with the sickle (If that is what you use in your Ceasefire cook-ups).

Yes. Vlad. How many people on earth know, that by hitting out at our fellow man, by trying to tenderise someone else, by forceful blow, we will only hurt ourselves, only pulverise our own validity into unrecognisable foolishness.

The foolishness of someone who believes that respect, comradeship, fatherhood and machismo can be gained by using force and fear.

We live in a world crawling with cellphone cameras, social media, instant mass awareness and switched on humans, who can no longer be lied to like in the past. Thuggery and bullying can't be hidden these days. Not as easily. The only people deluded into this dinosaur-era thinking are those who say there is a Cease Fire, when there isn't.

Yes, what would I know about these far off shenanigans? My nasally Aussie twang wouldn't even echo across the waves of Bass Strait, let alone shout out loudly across the globe, shout of the unfairness and basic violations going on overseas, of not just one vulnerable country, but unacceptably trampling on human freedom everywhere. War, though profitable for some in the short term, is something none of us need. Respect, and comradeship, doesn't come by burning the guests' butts on their own barbecue. Or from standing by while jet aircraft full of innocents are shot out of the sky, and their belongings outrageously pilfered, by WHOEVER.

Man up. Freedom, clarity, unity by choice, allowing incentive while providing security; these are the steps towards gaining respect, and uniting your World Powers' people once more.

Vlad-E-Mate. Forget border control. Forget invasion. Forget Force. Exchange all this for allowing freedom. The resulting respect may surprise you. And with a world power opening up for business with the rest of the world, with profit for everyone, life would be so much richer for you.

Look. Here's how to cook a steak the proper way. And this way, you don't need to shoot your own cousins to enjoy the party.

STATIC

Ssspths...Done...JUST PERFECT! Mmm!  (E) How to cook a steak, Barbecue, Australian Style. (Ok, Sparky style then) #1934211 by Sparky

Having said all that, we all love Russia. Really we do. I find myself cackling along with our brothers, at the same jokes, the same hilarious pranks.



Sparky