Still Figurin' Out Who I Think I Am

This one's about murder POV, a talking pen, and the flea.

30DBC PROMPT: "Describe to me the scene of the crime where the murder took place from the murderer's point of view. If you view energetic, try it from the victim's point of view. Remember it's Creation Saturday and the key word is creation."

What up y'all? I'm back for a full-blown go-'round of today's prompts, so let's get right into 'em, shall we?

I'm not gonna lie...like most other Saturdays, I'm not really feelin' creative. Usually I prefer to write from a perspective I'm at least familiar with (as it's been known that I'd much rather be coming from a place of experience). I've never murdered anyone before, and I've never been a murder victim either (although there have been enough times where I've felt like my heart's been ripped outta my chest, but we'll save those entries for Valentine's Day or some other syrupy-sweet occasion). Yup, this is gonna be hard.

I'll say this much though (at the risk of comin' off soundin' like OJ Simpson)...if I were a murderer, I likely wouldn't care about the scene of the crime. I'd be all "get in, do my thing, get out". Makin' sure my tracks are covered, my alibi's airtight, and the victim is straight-up dead. Ever seen some stupid horror film where the killer thinks the person is dead, but it turns out they're really not? Yeah, that's bad for business if your business is peelin' caps back. The important details are the ones that don't come back in the end to haunt you (or incriminate you).

I'm sure most of the muderin' types out there aren't stressin' over what the crime scene looks like enough to write a book about it later (and if there are true-life examples, please, there's no need to point them out to me). Seriously, if I were stupid enough to develop some kind of narrative that included my homicidal rage, it'd probably look something like "I jus' kept stabbin' 'im 'til he stopped screamin'", or somethin' like that. And then I'd go change my identity, location and online footprint.

BCF PROMPT: "Your pen just came to life... the first thing it says is?"

Geez Lyn's a Witchy Woman ! First it's about taking a human life, and then it's about life going into an inanimate object?!

With my luck, my pen would probably start yappin' the minute I killed someone...and it'd probably be in some annoying Joe Pesci "wise guy" kinda voice: "Hey, why ya gotta do dat to dat guy? He's wunuhmy aaah-so-she-its." And then I'd probably get pissed off and "accidentally" drop the pen down a sewer grate.

Is it just me? Did ya ever notice that when you need some encouraging words to appear out of nowhere, something bizarre like a talking pen would happen? We had a situation over the summer at Capco where we were taking in a large donation, and we came across this weird stuffed animal/ball thing (I'm not up on what all the kids are playin' with these days). It looked harmless enough...if you touched certain spots it made sounds (try typing that line with a straight face), and sure, it could probably entertain most kids between the ages of 12 months to a year or two. We set it aside and went on to the rest of the items we were working on. Sure enough, outta nowhere a few minutes later, this rotten bastard demon child toy from Hell doll started making obnoxious noises and speaking in some kind of foreign robotic tongue. It happened maybe 30 seconds after the end of a conversation, in a silent lull if you will. Scared the bejeebus out of me and my coworker...I screamed and jumped back a step, because I don't like it when toys try to carry on a dead conversation in a language I'm pretty sure doesn't exist. I had to put my wounded pride aside and take out this beast...'s batteries, because it wouldn't shut up. And of course, as we're still hysterical from this nonsense, our supervisor would be walking by and have to stop in to see what our problem the commotion was all about.

Sorry for the digression...as I was saying, these things don't often happen because they want to be helpful or complimentary. Talking objects just don't work that way. As long as my talking pen doesn't wanna tell me how it thinks I should be writing my blog entries and poems, I guess I'll be alright. But if I start talking back to my pen, encourage me to seek some kind of help, ok?

MUSICAL BREAK!!

Funny how in different contexts the phrase "the scene of the crime" (like so many other phrases) can mean different things.

"Scene of the crime, go with the flow...
Take it fast, take it slow."
Lyrics and interpretations.  

THE DAILY BOX SCORE:

"It's Saturday and the flea market is open. What treasures did you discover? Do you actively look for certain items? Or do you buy closed boxes because you like mysteries? What kind of shopper are you?"

Awww! I miss the ol' Super Flea in my hometown! Always open on Saturdays and Sundays...I could go there for baseball cards or cheap t-shirts of my favorite bands, and so much more. It closed down earlier this year for good...the property was purchased so a new Walmart could go up in its place, and it's a damn shame. There's a Walmart five minutes down the road that hasn't even been open twenty years- maybe not even 15- but it's a dump. The employees, and, as it seems, the customers don't care about the store. At least with the Super Flea, you knew what kind of people you were gonna see there, but there was still a certain sense of pride. It wasn't just ignorant trash running around with no concern for anyone or anything. Granted, the neighborhood doesn't have a lot of the same characteristics it held while I was growing up there, but that's not the point. Now there's gonna be another ginormous empty store that no one's gonna want (because the market for used former Walmarts in shitty locations is pretty negligible). But I guess that's another day's rant.

I love flea markets, but not all the time. I like some space between my visits, so that you're not always lookin' at the same stuff. Better variety that way, I figure. Yeah, there's a lot of useless crap there, but every once in awhile a match is made in kitsch heaven between some unsightly object and a fool who can't wait for his money to depart from his wallet. It happens a lot more than you think, and if you look at flea markets (or The Dirt Mall, as we'd refer affectionately to the Super Flea on Walden Ave. in Cheektowaga) in that light they're rather beautiful.

More often than not, we'd go just to go...we'd people-watch first, and shop second. Usually we'd head out for breakfast, DMFM and myself, and then hit up the Super Flea. There'd be a few stands we'd always stop at...Dave would always check out what the golf guy had and a particular knife stand, while I'd look at the used books and cd's. And we'd pass by the guy selling reconditioned Nintendos and Sega systems, and I'd tell myself I'd get another Sega Genesis...that dream is now all but dead. But like I said, it was all about walkin' around, takin' in the sights and sounds (and sometimes smells), and spendin' time hangin' out and sharing conversation with a close friend. Sure, we could've done that damn near anywhere...but one of our favorite places to do it was the flea market.

THE LISTICLE 9.13

In conjunction with "BLOG CITY presents: The LIST" , I present to you this list of 14 songs about shopping (sorta).

1) "Swap Meet" by Nirvana
2) "Swap Meet Louie" by Sir Mix-A-Lot
3) "Pawn Star" by De La Soul
4) "Thrift Shop" by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis
5) "I Will Buy You A New Life" by Everclear
6) "If I Had $1,000,000" by Barenaked Ladies
7) "Can't Buy Me Love" by The Beatles
8) "Store Bought Bones" by The Raconteurs
9) "Toy Store" by O.A.R.
10) "Gift Shop" by The Tragically Hip
11) "Elderly Woman Behind The Counter In A Small Town" by Pearl Jam
12) "Rhymin' & Stealin'" by The Beastie Boys
13) "Shoplifters Of The World Unite" by The Smiths
14) "Been Caught Stealing" by Jane's Addiction

I trust that you all know how to use YouTube if you're interested enough in any of these songs.

Turns out Lyn's a Witchy Woman isn't the first person to have conceived the idea of a talking pen  ...when I come to my senses and realize that I too am having trouble learning how to speak and read Chinese, I'll be sure to invest in one of these bad boys.

I'm really, really upset with myself that I haven't come across this on all the many miles of internet superhighway I've traveled: The Useless Web  .

I know this has already been all over Facebook the last day or two (thereby making it "old news" in this day and age), but I'm still finding it hilarious that grandmas are accidentally tagging themselves as "Grandmaster Flash"   on Facebook posts. (And if you want to know why I think this is so funny, here's some info on Grandmaster Flash And The Furious Five  .)

I think that's all I had in mind for this evening...I think now I can relax, watch the rest of the Notre Dame football game online, and call it a day. Peace, making it was overrated, and GOODNIGHT NOW!!