Voice Lessons

Sans Tempo

Okay fine!

You guys are so pushy. Since I've been challenged by both Elle - on hiatus and MontyB to write a blog entry for "Invalid Item" , I guess I'll have to do it. I'm not sure why blogging is so hard for me. I actually made it a new years resolution thinking that perhaps once I started it would grow on me. Nope. I lasted about 2 weeks. For some reason, I just can't write about me directly. My life is pretty uneventful, and although blogging is more about feelings that actual life events, it just doesn't excite me. I tend to pour my feelings into poetry. So, here goes my first blog entry in 5 months.

I feel the need to explain my lack of participation in the various groups I belong to. I'm afraid I may offend some of you by not being more active with you.The thing is that I don't tend to get "involved" in groups activities. A). There are way too many groups I'd like to be in B). They all have a ton of group activities you should participate in and C). That makes me feel like I have expectations and responsibilities I HAVE to fulfill. That takes all the fun out of WDC for me. I want to do what I WANT to do. Not what I have to do so I don't let others down. I only review items I feel like reviewing instead of those that are assigned or expected of me. I prefer reviewing newbies because I can really help them out more than reviewing, say Fi   who is an amazing poet already. Most of those groups have people who are already talented and my reviews would be more praise than anything. Does that make sense? I'm kind of inactive in most of them really.

I think another issue is that my memory SUCKS and I can't keep track of all the different things I could or should do. I want to go at my own pace and do what I do in the moment. When I find myself feeling like there are things I need to be doing here and haven't gotten to, I start losing my spark and don't want to do them. So, for now, I focus on my own projects. "Invalid Item"  mentors program, "Shadows and Light Poetry Contest" , "Roots & Wings Contest"   "Genre Auction and Fundraiser"  and "Contest Central Station" . That's really enough for me. It's funny but I go through review jags. I'll do a ton of reviews for a few days and then none for a few weeks. But that's how I like it. I do like to get involved in fundraisers and auctions though and want to support you all that way. If I haven't participated in one you are running, let me know. It's probably just that I don't know about it yet.

I do want to thank you all for your support lately. As you may know, I recently lost the friendship of a good friend for a reason I am unaware of. She is very fragile emotionally and I offended her somehow. She never discussed it with me and instead decided to stay away. I was crushed. I don't have many friends in my daily life, and it felt as if one of my connections was taken from me. One of my fears is that I will live my life through the computer. It is the challenge of our generation and to me it is disconnection through connectivity. When everything you say and feel is for mass consumption on facebook, there can be no true friendships. No one confides in anyone because there is not time for one on one communication. My family and friends alike all get the exact same information for the most part and there are no levels of intimacy. It is one of my greatest annoyances.

And yet, here I am, doing the same. However, when this happened, I turned to you guys. I was amazed by the response I got. MBs, gift packages, and all the kind words. There are no facebook fights here, no harsh criticisms. But I still felt a little disappointed that this was my only solace. Until it was pointed out to me, that we are unlike any other online community. We not only post our daily thoughts in our newsfeed, but we share our deepest thoughts and feelings through our writing. No one, not even those we see daily, know who we are better than our friends on this site. I can honestly say that most of my family and friends, including my husband, have read  very little of what I write, and even then cannot understand it. Where else can I find people who not only read my work, but have the insight to interpret it. It is you here at WDC that know me better than anyone. So, I live my life here, online. But it makes me a better person, and that's all that matters. Luv You Guys!