Hey, life? Are you kidding me?

A bad day to some could be considered a great day to others!

Preface to this 'blog': I wanted to get back into writing, and I figured blogging was a good way. I asked a friend to send me a daily prompt for a while so I felt motivated and 'accountable'. Apparently, he is a much deeper thinker, than I am. But hey, a challenge is a challenge - so here I go.

Prompt: You have been cut off at the knees, kicked in the ribs, griped at, cussed out, and feel invisible to the world but as you distance yourself from the chaos, you feel so grateful for. . .



Okay, so one thing at a time:

1. Cut off at the knees? Quite frankly, I'm going to be plain old pissed at that one. I got both knees replaced several years ago, and now someone is just going to cut them off? Are they going to pay me for them? Because, those suckers weren't cheap!

2. Kicked in the ribs? What the hell? I still have stitches from my hysterectomy last month and now you are going to kick me there? Is this some kind of sadist? At some point here, I'm going to have to punch you in the throat; I'm only nice for so long.

3. Griped at and cussed out kind of go together. I can handle it - I've worked for someone for 10 years that does that basically when she says hello in the morning. Not that I turn a deaf ear, but eventually though I still take it personally some where along the line I either got immune to it or started believing it. I'm not sure

4. Invisible to the world? Are you kidding? This is a goal of mine. lol. But I do get what you mean. I guess if NOBODY knew I was there it would be a little distressing.

5. Distancing myself from the chaos would include one or all of the following: wine (or any alcohol except vodka or blue drinks - bad bad memories there), a bath, and/or a Xanax.

6. Which brings us to what I feel so grateful for. My first thought is wine, a bath, and Xanax. But I do realize there is more so I'm going to have to make a sublist to this first numbered list.

A. My son - obviously - I can't even begin to say everything I feel about him - plus he left on a plane to see his dad today which is hard on me so I refuse to write everything I love about him right now so that I don't start crying again.

B. Prayer - I'm thankful for prayer - though admittedly, I'm not that great at it, and don't do it like I should. I used to all the time; I don't know what it is - the inability to let go of control, feeling unworthy, fear . . . I don't know. It's not lack of faith, because I do believe in the power and necessity of prayer.

C. Family and true friends - I don't think many of us see our family and friends as much as we should or even want to, but there is such a level of comfort knowing that they are there. Now, I'm not a person that can easily ask for help when I need it so that's not really my point. But it is refreshing, even exhilarating to have people to make memories with, share laughter, create stories that make you smile without knowing it.

D. I paused here because there really is so much: a job I enjoy - most the time, coffee when someone else makes it, finding something I've lost, writing, being able to make people laugh or at least fake a smile, pets - to a degree lol, being able to bs my way through things I don't know about, I would be thankful for a clean house but that rarely happens, the internet, miracles, (these are in no particular order by the way), a good night's sleep, laughing until I cry, air conditioning - definitely air conditioning, and really good nachos.

I know there is more and it depends on the day, but writing this has made me realize that even on those days that I do want to be invisible because quite frankly I feel that life sucks - even during that pity party - in my mind and heart I do know how truly blessed I am. Though, it might not stop me from drinking straight out of the wine bottle because I'm stubborn and at that moment feel I'm entitled to feel sorry for myself, it keeps a part of me balanced (I'm not sure I even know what that means). In retrospect, I think it means if I weren't so damned stubborn and reached out to the things on my grateful list, I wouldn't need the wine, bath, or Xanax. Wait, I'd still need a bath - I mean come on, it's a part of life - good hygiene has got to be in the top 10 priorities.

So there you go - kick me in the ribs and I'll get tipsy and clean until I learn to open up and accept what I've been blessed with.

Happy Sunday,

Audra