Wondering about my Wanderings

Memories

I went to talk with my ex mother-in-law and was flooded with memories like a loud rumbling in a silent alcove. Much of my life has centered around visiting persons. Donna had just fractured her hip a few weeks ago and looked forward to my visit. She had been staying with Cindy and was looking forward to going home Saturday. I had much better relationship with my former spouses family that with her. The conversation went well for the first fifteen or twenty minutes and then Cindy came home from work .

I felt awkward being in a home where I used to live. I experienced a flood of emotion like an avalanche going down a mountain out of control. I had to get out of there. The conversation started getting stuck so I eased myself out the door with the excuse that I needed to get ready for my evening caregiving job. I was faced with the fact that things can never be the same. In our conversation I heard familiar names and yet in the light of the divorce I experienced fingers nails screeling on a blackboard trying to write like chalk "I love you".

Part of what made the visit interesting is that Donna lives no further than an hour from Wichita, which is where I could move because of a job relocation. I have not been at her house for at least twelve years. Memories are catching up with me and yet I keep trying to run away hoping that I can escape their bite. I lie awake on a chair typing memories that last only from one period to another. Thank God for the memories. In forgetting I lose while in remembering I celebrate what is still mine to give.