Wondering about my Wanderings

Now what

I continue to be in the zone of saying now what. I accuse others of doing what I do myself without thinking. I pour all that I value into the slot machine and hope that something will come out.

As I paraded on my patrol a couple thoughts came to mind. The church I am interested in will either be energized and look forward to seeing me or will take all my work and investment I have offered in paper and emails and flush it. I am learning in this process what it means for me to be respected and valued. I hope that I can offer this same gift to others I take care of. Unless I am safe and secure I cannot offer the gift to others.

I leave it all into God's hands knowing that I have it good. I have a wife that is supportive and loving, work and ministry. I did get rough news about needing to fork over money to the state of Kansas. I did not realize that I had worked two times in 2009 and penalities swallowed us whole. I also feel puzzled about my ex's mother wanting to see me and then not calling me. I am learning one can only give what someone wants. My neediness only shows that I am forever losing. I wish her well!!!