Amygdalia's Blog

Interview with a Mumsy

This afternoon, I received a text message from a friend, asking whether I would be willing to be interviewed by his 8th grade daughter, for a class project. I chatted with her briefly on the phone, and then she emailed me a list of questions. I thought it was a fascinating and tricky topic, and that it would make a great blog post:

These are some very interesting and difficult questions! I will do my best to answer them for you. From the very beginning, I will tell you that the answers to these questions make me sad - in my own personal advocacy I do my best to avoid disparaging anyone for their religious beliefs, but here's the truth of the matter:

1. What are some reasons that conservatives are not in favor of same- sex marriage?

Please understand that as an outsider (not a conservative) the answers I give here are what I have learned through years of reading and listening. I do not know for certain what is at the root of these hard-held beliefs.

One of the main reasons that conservatives are not in favor of same-sex marriage is because of religious beliefs. Focusing specifically on the United States, one of the main groups who are pushing so strongly against the idea of same-sex marriage are fundamentalist Christians. They have interpreted various bible quotes to say that homosexuality is a sin. Within fundamentalist Christianity, there is also the notion that each person must be saved. This is the reason for the need to prevent others from marrying someone of the same sex, despite the fact that same-sex marriage has no direct impact on their own lives or marriages.

This is not to say that there are not others who hold the same view, but the conservative view on homosexuality does tend to be guided by religion.

In addition, conservatives fear that gay marriage will diminish the sanctity of the term marriage. They also fear that children raised by same-sex couples will grow up to be gay, or that those children will somehow influence their own children.

2. Why do you think conservatives are so insistent on not changing their ways?

Faith is a fascinating subject, and I have so much respect for people with deep faith. But one of the things that happens as a result of such deep faith is that one is not able or willing to accept alternate viewpoints. If the bible says it is wrong, then nothing we say or do can sway them from that belief.

One of the truths of fundamentalist Christianity is the desire to keep things as they are. It is a difficult concept for me to put into words. We see the world around us changing, and many of us rejoice in it. For them, I believe it is akin to allowing Satan control over the world.

3. What do you think conservatives would do if these laws were changed?

I believe they would continue to fight to have the laws overturned, as well as shunning former friends and family members who come out as gay, those who have a same-sex marriage, and perhaps even those who come out simply in favor of same-sex marriage. I believe they would continue to do things such as refuse to provide services to gay couples (those providing wedding flowers or cakes have been in the news in recent months).

4. Why do you think this topic causes so many issues?

We are a country of extremes. The United States, despite the fact that it was founded by those who sought religious freedom, has always been a country with somewhat Puritan views in a lot of ways. Despite the separation of church and state, there are many who seek to use religious foundations as the basis for laws and political ideology. Our political system is set up in such a way that at times these extremes can be amplified along party lines.

But the world is changing, and our country has been slow to adopt the liberal views of nations such as Norway, Sweden, and even our close neighbor - Canada.

5. Have you done anything to try and change these laws?

I have been an advocate for gay rights and gay marriage for many years. My advocacy does not extend into law itself, but I am a vocal proponent of equality. Each voice can make a difference. I have attended gay pride marches, posted and commented on social media extensively, and engaged in conversation with those who hold differing views. I do not let homophobic comments go, but use polite confrontation to try and make a difference. The largest way in which I have tried to make a difference is through the Young Adult series I've written. They are as yet unpublished, but a strong theme within the series is equality, and marriage equality is explored extensively. I intend to make a difference.

6. How have these laws affected you or people you know?

I have several friends and family members who have been unable to marry as a result of the laws preventing same-sex marriage. It has affected me personally in that it has pushed me to be an advocate.

7. In what way do you think these laws could be changed?

The laws ARE changing. Right now! As I type this, there are 17 states (plus the District of Columbia) that now have marriage equality, and several others either recognize same-sex marriages performed in other states, or have some sort of protections for same-sex couples. Here is a breakdown for you: http://www.freedomtomarry.org/pages/where-state-laws-stand

I think we are living in an amazing time, and that we will continue to see the breakdown of discrimination against gay couples.