Blogocentric Formulations

Day 7: Most Nervous Moment of My Life

*Written as part of the "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" 

Day 7 Prompt: Write about the time you were the most nervous you've ever been.

In retrospect, I'm not sure why this moment was the most nervous I've ever been because I was 99% sure I knew the answer going in... but it's not even a contest; I've never been more nervous than the day I asked my wife to marry me. We had been dating for five years at that point, and she had even picked out the engagement ring she wanted a few months prior after several conversations about getting married, so it wasn't like the question was coming out of thin air or completely unexpected. Heck, I was pretty sure her answer was going to start with, "It's about time!"

I planned to propose to my wife during a day trip to Catalina Island that we took with some visiting family members. Since we were swimming, snorkeling, and doing other outdoorsy water-based activities, I had to keep the engagement ring in the communal backpack we were all sharing that held the camera, sunblock, our wallets, etc. I insisted on carrying the bag myself all day, and never let it out of my sight for even a few minutes. I'm pretty sure my wife thought I was insane being so protective of the bag... but then again, she didn't exactly realize that the most expensive purchase I had ever made up to that point in my life was resting at the bottom of the bag, hidden in the pocket of a sweatshirt I had brought in case it got cold!

To add to the stressfulness of carrying a very small, very expensive item in the backpack, I also had to figure out a time to get my wife away from the other family members who had joined us for the trip! So I carried that ring around and protectively watched the bag like a hawk for hours before I finally had my opportunity. The rest of the family was a little tired from all the running around, but my wife still had some energy so I suggested we rent a kayak and head out on the water just the two of us. She thankfully agreed and we paddled around for over an hour in what I'm sure she thought was a bizarrely focused direction until we reached a small private section of the shoreline. The backpack was nestled between my feet and I contemplated proposing on the water, but knowing my tendency to be a little clumsy, I could just see myself fumbling with the ring and dropping it into sixty feet of Pacific Ocean water and never seeing it again. I decided the shore was a safer bet and insisted that we get out and rest for a while.

Once we were safely on the shore, I handed her the camera and convinced her to take a picture of some scenery facing away from me while I fished the ring out of the bag. When she turned back around, I had the ring and was down on one knee. I had a short speech prepared but was so nervous that I immediately forgot all of it and blubbered something about wanting to spend the rest of my life with her. She said yes (why was I so nervous again?), and before I could put the ring on her finger, we shared a moment that perfectly captures the awkwardness and clumsiness of our relationship when she said, "Uh, before you put the ring on my finger, could you stop the kayak from floating away?"

During the proposal, a particularly strong wave had come onto shore and carried our kayak back out to sea. So I had to leave my now fiancee standing on the beach while I went splashing into the water to try and prevent our transportation back (and our $80 deposit) from floating out into the open Pacific Ocean. When I returned with our boat, the ring was already on her finger and we officially shared our first kiss as an engaged couple.

I still have no idea why I was so nervous since I pretty much knew she was going to say yes... but spending all day trying to conceal the ring and find the perfect moment to propose did a number on my nerves. That and probably that little nagging voice in the back of my head - which still afflicts me to this day - that often says, "Hey, dummy... why would someone so awesome settle for a schmuck like you?" I still don't have an answer to that question, but seven years later we're still happily married and my nerves have - thankfully - not had a challenger to the title of Most Nervous Moment of My Life.