Destiny's End

Back To Life

         Lanae went into her tent and cried. She couldn't remember ever crying this hard, not even when her dad died. She packed a little then lie down on the sleeping bags and let the tears flow free. She cried so hard she did not hear anyone outside, she didn't hear the tent flap unzip, and she didn't hear anyone enter the tent.
         Heather knelt down beside her, "What's the matter? What did he do?"
         "Oh Heather, he didn't do anything, that's what's the matter. He was wonderful and just perfect. I ended it and he didn't even yell or get mad, or anything. He just is too damn perfect and...." She didn't finish, she couldn't she was crying too hard.
         Heather held her and comforted her. "I don't know why or what, but I know your hurting. Can I do anything to help?"
         Lanae swiped away some tears and looked up at her friend. "No, it has to be this way. I know it's what I have to do, but it's not what my heart longs for, it's not what I want, but it's what I have to do."
         They talked for a while and Heather felt guilty telling Lanae that her and Mike were going to continue to see each other. Lanae smiled and hugged her. "No, Heather, I'm happy for you. It's great that it worked out that way."
         Lanae dried her tears, and they packed up their gear. She didn't know what was going to happen next, she didn't know if she would have a job or when, but she knew what she had to do. She had to finish what she had set out to do. Nothing had changed, it was the same now as when she had to move from Steve and Sally's. She had to complete this part of her life on her own.
         Sabastian was lost in thought all the way home; mostly thoughts of Lanae occupied his mind, but he was also trying to work out the situation with Janie. He knew what he had to do, and it should be easier now, after meeting Lanae. Somehow, it seemed just the opposite.
         He was running late getting home, so he grabbed a bite to eat after taking a hot shower. With his gear still packed, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich wrapped in a paper towel on the dashboard, and his backpack riding shotgun, he took off for his class. He had completed everything he required for his degree, but had wanted to take a couple other classes with thoughts of going on for a bachelor's degree.
         So far, the spring class had been pretty easy, but tonight he just couldn't focus. The class was on some filming basics, angles, close-ups, and lighting. They would watch film clips, then do a quiz about what was done right and what was done wrong, with explanations of the right shots, and recommendations for those found to be wrong. There was no rigid right or wrong, as long as you could justify your answer, it counted.
         But that was the problem tonight. Sabastian couldn't focus on the clips, his mind continued to wonder between Janie and Lanae. He managed to get through the quiz, but his answers seemed lame and empty. For some of the right shots, he had no idea what made them right, he just tried to scab together a reason from his pitiful notes he'd taken. The night also seemed to drag on and on. Finally it was over, and they turned in their quizzes. He knew he had not done well, and hoped it was enough to hold his grade point average.
         As he drove home he felt even sadder than before. He decided to stop and get something to drink, mostly to just make him forget and sleep. He didn't drink often, and when he did it was usually whatever someone else offered. He was more into school, grades, and just never had time for anything else, especially booze. He walked up and down the aisles of the liquor store trying to find something that at least sounded good. He wasn't having any luck and after a while just grabbed a bottle of wine. It was a big bottle, and it was wine, that would be good enough. He had enjoyed the wine he had shared last night with Lanae, and even though they had not drank a lot, his head got a bit fuzzy. He reasoned a bit more would do the trick and he would be forgetting and sleeping like a baby.
         Once he was back home, he packed his gear away, then opened the bottle of wine. He took a sniff and smiled, "At least it smells good." He took a glass from the cupboard and poured it about half full. "Not quite a wine glass, but since wine is made from grape juice, I don't see a problem drinking it from a juice glass."
         He wasn't sure why he was talking to himself, and shrugged it off as just being tired. "Well, here we go, let's see if we have better luck choosing wine than women."
         He put the glass to his lips and took a long drink. "Awk!" He gasped as the dryness filled his mouth. "That's nothing like the stuff we drank."
         He looked at the wine in his glass. It was nice in color, a deep burgundy hue, it smelled good, but it sure wasn't sweet like the stuff he had enjoyed with Lanae. He smelled it again, and got up to dump it down the sink. He stopped midway and sipped it again. "It isn't that bad, Peter. Besides, you spent twenty bucks on this, don't waste it."
         He sat on the couch and watched the lights from traffic move around the room. He took another sip, and thought it was a little better now. He still thought it needed a little sugar or something, but it was drinkable now. He sipped again and set the glass down. It had a little bite, but left a wonderful taste in his mouth. "Hm, this is interesting," He thought out loud, "it tastes better after the fact than during."
         Soon the glass was empty and he poured another. He walked around the small apartment as he sipped and thought. As he passed the kitchen he stopped and filled the glass again. "This stuff is actually kind of good, once you get used to it."
         He took the glass into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. "Well, at least you did better with the wine. Now, Peter," he used the name his mother always used, "you need to do this with a nice lady. Find one that is available, though."
         He did some deep thinking and soon found the bottle of wine was almost empty. He also found his head was filled with fuzz, his mouth with dryer lint, and the floor continued to sway when he walked. "Well, what do you think now?" He slurred the words a little and laughed at the sound. "Drunk, that's what."
         He stripped down and tipped over trying to step out of his pants. "You bonehead, you still have your shoes on, no wonder you can't get your pants off. Here, let me help."
         He managed to get up on the couch, took another drink from his glass, and then leaned over to untie his shoe. Even as he pulled on the lace, the floor shifted again. This time it shifted right in front of him, and he put out his hands to steady himself. It didn't help, and he toppled over head first on the floor. This time he didn't even try to get back up, he just pulled a blanket off the couch and then a cushion. With his head on the cushion, the blanket half covering his body, one shoe on and one shoe off, pants around his ankles, he slipped into a deep sleep.
         We woke to the phone ringing. "Man, who turned that up?"
         His head was pounding and his stomach lurched with any movement. The phone didn't care and kept ringing, making his head hurt worse. He slowly sat up and collected his wits. "Home, but why am I on the floor?"
         The phone had finally stopped and he was beginning to remember. The glass was right there, empty. The wine bottle was on the counter, almost empty. He hadn't eaten much at all yesterday, and now his stomach was churning and sore.
         His mouth felt like he had a family of mice living in it, and it tasted like they had used it for bathroom. He used the couch to steady himself as he got up. The floor was solid again, that helped. He took a step and tripped over his pants, still down around his ankles. Luckily he fell into the couch and had a soft landing. He turned over and pushed up, sitting on the couch. He kicked his lone shoe off then stepped out of his pants and stood again. He made it to the bathroom, took a leak and got his mouth rinsed out before the phone started ringing again.
         This time he was quick enough to get to it while it was still ringing. "Hello."
         "Sabastian, is everything alright? I've been trying to reach you all weekend."
         "I wasn't home." He was trying to place the voice but the cobwebs were still a bit thick in his head. He sat down on the floor next to the stand that held the phone.
         "I kind of figured that out, but what happened? Where did you go? Are you sure you're alright, you don't sound alright."
         "I think I'm alright. Janie? Um hi."
         "Sabastian, you don't sound alright. What's wrong, Honey."
         "Nothing, I just - I have a headache and I'm not feeling very good right now. I think I have a hangover, can you get that from wine?"
         "Wine? Hangover? Honey, I didn't know you even drank. What's going on?"
         "Do you always ask this many questions right away in the morning, Janie?"
         He heard her laughing, then she stopped and with a hint of humor still on her lips she answered. "Morning? No I don't usually have this many questions right away in the morning, sorry. It's just that," she stifled another outbreak of laughter, "it's just that it's not morning, Honey. It's almost two in the afternoon. How much wine did you drink?"
         "Oh great, more questions. I just had one bottle. What day is it - Shit! It's two!" he got up and looked at the alarm clock on the counter. Yep, it was going on two and he had missed work. "I should have been to work at ten today. Nuts, now how am I going to explain this?"
         "This is not like you, Sabastian. What's going on?"
         "And still more questions. Great! Ok, I want camping and then I got home last night barely in time for class. I think I may have flunked my quiz and I drank too much wine. Then I didn't go to work this morning. I feel like crap, and I need to talk to you about something."
         "I need to talk with you, too. It's really important and that's why I was trying to call all weekend."
         "Sorry, I wasn't home. I went camping, remember? Anyway, what's up that you need to talk about?" He was hoping it was the same as he needed to talk to her about and she would tell him they had to end this instead of him having to tell her.
         "Not over the phone, Honey. I need to talk to you in person. What did you need to talk about, I hope it's the same thing?"
         Sabastian was about to spill it, but decided to wait. "Your right, it needs to be done in person, Janie, not over the phone. I can meet you someplace again, I guess. Where do you want to talk?"
         He wasn't ready for her answer, "How about at your place?"
         "Um, yeah I guess. I mean it's not very big and it's a long drive for you."
         "It's big enough and will do just fine, Sabastian. Unless you don't want me to come over, I mean." Janie held her breath as she waited. She hadn't told him yet, but she was only a block away making her turn to his place.
         "Its fine, I can straighten it up a little and stuff while you come over. Um, when do you want to? I have class again tomorrow night and Friday, and I work afternoons before school, and mornings on the days I'm home. Well except this morning, I hope I don't get fired."
         "Is today alright? I can come right over; you missed work and don't have school today, so it should work out. Right?"
         "Sure, that will work. I'll clean up and stuff. Do you remember how to get here?"
         "I do, and it's the back steps, right? Number 242  if I remember correctly."
         "Yeah, that's it. Just come on up when you get here and let yourself in if I don't answer. I may have to go talk to my boss and see if I have a job yet. What time do you think you'll get here? Hello? Janie, hello."
         The phone had gone dead and Sabastian was just dialing her back when he heard her laughing. Startled, he jumped, dropped the phone, and turned to see who was laughing. Janie was standing in the doorway, hand over her mouth laughing.
         "How, er what?" He stared in disbelief. "How did you get here so fast?"
         "Well, aren't you looking hot. I was already almost here, I came over because I didn't know what was going on. The last time we were together you were upset and I thought maybe you weren't going to answer my calls, so I drove over."
         "Well, come in. I guess. I wasn't expecting you quite this soon, sorry for the mess." He looked around and seen his pants and underwear on the floor where he had kicked them off. He quickly turned hustled to his room and grabbed a pair of sweats and stepped into them.
         "Don't get dressed on my account. Really, I don't mind at all." He turned as he pulled them up, Janie was in the doorway watching him.
         She walked to him and kissed him, "I missed you."
         He returned her kiss before he even had time to think about it. He sat on the edge of his bed looked up at her. "I need to say something, Janie. I just don't know how."
         She sat next to him, took his hand and smiled at him, but he saw the pain in her eyes, "Just say it, that's the best way, Sabastian."
         "I guess it is. Janie, I don't want to hurt you, but um, I think we have to break up."
         She felt tears starting and looked away. "I was afraid that's what you would say. I knew it was coming, I seen it in your eyes the last time we were together. Is there someone else? There is, isn't there? I mean, it's Ok I'm not mad or anything. How could I be, I mean being married and everything."
         "That's not it, Janie. I mean I went camping to try and figure all this out, and I did meet someone and we. Well, it helped me to think, kind of. I'm trying to say, I want to have something more."
         She looked at him, tears now streaming down her cheeks. "I guess I shouldn't have come, I knew this was going to happen, but I hoped it would be different. You met someone else and want her and you don't want me anymore."
         "Please, don't cry." He took her hand and held it. "It's not like that, honest. I did meet someone, but she was married too and that's why we have to end this, see. Not because of her, because your married and we can't have anything more than this meeting here and there. I feel awful because I want someone I can love and I don't want to destroy someone else's life."
         He hugged her and rocked her gently. "Oh Janie, I'm sorry, I never meant to hurt you. Why did you have to be married...?" He didn't finish, stopping just before Lanae's name rolled off his tongue.
         He wasn't prepared for this, he wasn't ready and now here she was, crying and hurt and it was his fault. "What an asshole way to be, Sabastian, you should have been gentle and tried a little to ease into things instead of just saying, hey lets break up."
         "You are not an asshole, and it's not your fault." She looked up at him with those big eyes.
         He hadn't meant to say that out loud, it was a habit he had just started. "I just don't like to see you cry. I thought, or hoped maybe, that was what you came to tell me, that we had to end things. I'm sorry, Janie, it's just how can we keep seeing each other when you're married?"
         She sniffled and wiped at her eyes. "That's what I came to tell you, Sabastian. Your right, and I know that. I knew it had to end, it was all wrong and I was just afraid. But then when I saw the hurt in your eyes, and I thought I may never see you again, I decided I had to end it."
         "Sabastian shook his head. "But then if you came to tell me the same thing, why are you crying?"
         "I didn't come to tell you the same thing, silly. I came to tell you I want to be with you."
         Sabastian didn't understand. Maybe it was the wine yet, maybe he was missing something. "I don't understand, I thought you agreed, we can't be together because you're married?"
         "That's right. I can't have both, and I already knew I didn't want both. I knew as I drove home last time that I want you. It's just that I became so dependent on his money and the house and the car and everything. I was afraid to lose everything, but it was nothing to the thought of losing you. I left my husband."
         "You what?"
         "I told him I wanted a divorce and moved out. It's over, Sabastian. I took some money from our savings, I mean I should get something. I didn't sneak, I just told him I wanted to move out and was going to file for a divorce. I told him we could work out the details but I should get something and I need some money to live off, so I was going to keep half the money in our savings account."
         "I have an apartment and I'm going to go back to work. I used to work, but quit after I got married, it's been a while but I know I can do it. I wanted to come and tell you in person. I wanted to show you how much I want to be with you. But, now I see I was too late. It doesn't change anything else, I need to do this, I just wanted to...." Janie never finished, she put her head on his shoulder and cried letting the tears flow freely as sobbing racked her body."
         Sabastian didn't know what to say. He had not been prepared to talk to her, and he was even more unprepared to learn she was single, or would be soon. He felt her crying body shuddering in his arms, he heard her sobbing, and he felt the wetness of her tears as they flowed onto his shoulder.
         He held her tight as she cried, his mind raced over everything and he searched for an answer. He gently lifted her face up and looked into her eyes as he spoke softly. "Janie, please don't cry. I didn't know. If I had known you had left I wouldn't have ever said anything. I do want to be with you, I just couldn't because you were married. Don't you understand?"
         She was still crying but she was looking into his eyes now. "Do you mean that, Sabastian? Do you really want to be with me? Oh, Sabastian, please tell me we still have a chance."
         "Yes, Janie, we do have a chance." He kissed her trembling lips. "We do."
         She pulled him close and held him so tight he thought he would suffocate. "Oh Sabastian, thank you, thank you, thank you. You won't ever regret this, I promise."
         She kissed him again, and as they kissed, he felt himself getting lost in her passion. They made love late into the afternoon, then she fixed him a nice dinner. That night, she stayed with him and they made love again. In the morning, she was right there to wake him with kisses. "Honey, I have to go home. I have to meet with my attorney, and I have to check into finding a job. I wish I could stay, but I can't."
         He smiled, "It's alright. It's better this way. Not that I want you to leave, but we need to do this right. I'll call you later and see how everything is going. We can talk then on how we need to proceed with this. We'll make it work, Janie. I'll make it work."
         They showered together, then they dressed and he walked her to her car. With a passionate kiss to hold them over, she closed the door and drove away. He took a deep breath and went the other direction. He had to go talk to his boss and see if he still had a job.
         He made sure he was ready to work, just in case. He had his school work along since he had not done anything since his last class, and stepped inside the Pump -n-Shop. Jenny was behind the counter and looked up at him.
         She smiled a big fake smile. "Hi, can I help you find something, sir?"
         "Jenny, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to miss work. I can explain, but it's not a good excuse. I got drunk and overslept."
         "You got drunk? What the hell happened out camping that has you an unemployed drunk?"
         Sabastian cringed, "I deserve it, to lose my job. I'm sorry, Jenny, honest. I - um, guess I should just go. I suppose I need to move, too. I mean, it's your apartment and I don't have a job, how can I keep up the rent." Shaking his head he turned to leave and was just about out the door.
         "Wait, come back her and explain what happened." Jenny let out a big sigh. "Tell me everything, and then I'll fire you and kick you out, damn drunks!" But she smiled as she said it. "Come on, fill me in."
         He did, he told her about Lanae, how they met, how they spent their last night together. Then he told her about Janie, and how they had kind of an affair going and he was going to end it. He told her how he had probably failed his quiz, so he stopped and got a bottle of wine and drank it, then fell off the couch and slept on the floor, not waking until Janie called. Only then he realized it was afternoon and he had missed work.
         Jenny smiled at some pints, squinted at others, laughed when he fell off the couch, and looked sad when he told her how things had ended. "Well, you have been a busy boy. I guess I never thought of you as such a romantic, an affair with a married woman, a weekend fling with another married woman, and then training for being a wino. Wow, Sabastian, you have had quite a weekend."
         She paced a little behind the counter, "Is there anymore? You and this gal from camp broke up, then you and the married lady broke up, you came in here to see if I was going to fire you, and you look like you haven't had a good night sleep in days, maybe weeks. How can I fire you? Sabastian, you're a great guy, you're a great worker, and you have the worst luck of anyone I know. Two breakups in less than a week. Poor fella. I'll tell you what, I'll keep you on the same schedule school days, but I want you to come in earlier on your days off, and every other weekend."
         "Thanks Jenny. But you work in the mornings, how can I come in earlier?"
         "Well, hopefully by not drinking a whole bottle of wine before falling off he couch. No, seriously I want to train you to take over some of my work. I'm not firing you, you're promoted to my assistant manager and in training starting tomorrow. Today you don't work, Barb is coming in to cover your shift. Sorry, I didn't know what was up. School's almost over with, right? You can fill the position I have posted and I can get some time off before me and my ole man are splitting up."
         "Maybe getting you more hours after your class is done will help you find yourself a single woman, too." She smiled and winked.
         Sabastian thanked her, but didn't try and explain anything more about Janie. It didn't make any difference and he still didn't know for sure what was going to happen. He had hopes, though.

***