Welcome to My Life

At the Start of a Depressing Day

It's the start of a depressing day or perhaps the end of a depressing night. I have to give up all of my Baha'i books and I have to move to Searchlight away from my friends, especially the friends in the Baha'i community here in Las Vegas. There are no Baha'is in Searchlight, I will have no one to socialize with at the nineteen-day feast; I can hold feast by myself in my apartment (if I move into the senior complex there); the only other place for me to live in Searchlight is in my sister's home, which means there will be many things I can't do.

I want to cry,
but crying doesn't help
it doesn't change anything.

I know I haven't been very good at attending the Feast in the past few years, but when I have attended I enjoyed it and I like socializing with the Baha'is even if it was only once every nineteen days. I've decided to give up and accept the inevitable. I've decided to accept the fact that I can't take care of myself and need to live in a place that I have someone to take care of me. I'm going to let my sister pack up my books because I can't do it myself. I'm not even sure that I can get rid of them. I'll call a friend who's offered to help and see when he can arrange for someone to come and get them.

I'm tired!
I'm depressed!
I want to give up,
but giving up won't help
and it won't change anything.

I feel so helpless. I feel so hopeless. Maybe a miracle will occur and I can remain in Las Vegas. Maybe it's God's will that I move to Searchlight. The only socializing, at least with other Baha'is, will be on Facebook or other social networks. The only interaction I will have with writers is through writing.com and sometimes I like to go to open mic poetry readings. I know I haven't been to many of those in the past few years, but I do like to attend one once in a while. Perhaps being tired is what makes me depressed; that and the thought of moving to Searchlight.

Accept God's will!
Look on this as an adventure!

Thought of the Day: “There are no 'if's' in God's world. And no placess that are safer than other places. The center of His will is our only safety - let us pray that we may always know it!” - Corrie ten Boom, The Hiding Place