Welcome to My Life

I am expecting family in next week to help me clean bedrooms

I am expecting family members to come to the house on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday of next week. They are coming to help me clear and clean out the bedroom in preparation for my upcoming move. Despite the fact that I need the help and I know I need the help, I am not looking forward to having the help. I do not like people, whether it is friends or family, coming into my house and helping me clean (even when I know it is a good thing that they are doing it).

After contemplating this upcoming situation (over three cups of coffee) I understand why I feel this way. I am not looking forward to their help because I will not be in control of the situation. Never mind, that I have not felt in control or even been of anything since November 29, 2012, I still do not like the ideas of anyone helping me clean out those rooms because I am not in control. I will accept the help, and probably without saying anything to them about not being in control, because I know I need the help, even though deep down I do not want to admit I need the help.,

This is a test! It is a test I have encountered a couple of times before, which I obviously did not pass because I am encountering it again. If I do not pass it this time then I will encounter it again sometime in the foreseeable or unforeseeable future. Therefore, I have to figure out why I did not pass the test the last two times so that I do not encounter it again. I am sick and tired of encountering tests over and over again because I did not pass them the first time.

I have to figure out why I am failing this test. I suspect it has more to do with my tendency, which I suspect has a genetic component, to hang onto things I do not need and hoard them then it does with anything else. This also may be why I dislike having people in to help me "simplify"; neither family nor friends understand how precious something is and so they usually decide it is of no consequence. Most people, friends and family, do not understand how stressful it is to throw something away even if it is just a piece of scrap paper. Nor do they understand how stressful it is to give something away you may need at sometime in the future.

I think I am not passing this test because of my tendency to hoard things I think "I may need later". The fact that I do not like to clean house could also be part of the issue, but I do not have to like cleaning house to do it. I have to find a cleaning method that works for me and stop focusing on whether I like to do it or not. I have did a lot of things in my life that I did not like or want to do, but I did them because I had to do them.

I know there are spiritual rewards in doing things I do not want to do. I know there are spiritual rewards in giving away stuff I want to keep because I have an emotional attachment to an item or items. I know there are spiritual rewards in simplifying my life and moving to a smaller place that is easier for me to clean. I know the tests I am facing now will lead to spiritual growth if I can just pass them.