Welcome to My Life

Epiphany on Tuesday Morning

For about 10 1/2 months I have been going through difficulties and tests; negativity and depression. I still have to make an appointment with the doctor about the depression, but I found out that even though I know I need to see the doctor about it I will not make the appointment when I am depressed. This realization is not my epiphany, however, I think it may be part of what lead to this morning's sudden understanding. Another thing that lead to this is my beginning to write in my pen and paper journal again. I started making entries in it on October 13, by writing letters to Baha'u'llah. Then yesterday evening, I begin reading One Day My Soul Just Opened Up. This is my second attempt at this book and this time I think I will finish the 40-day exercises, all though it may take me 80 or 160 days to complete them.

Last night I composed an entry in "Writing in Snow"  titled "I Found I Book I Forgot I Purchased" . At that time, I intended to make the entries about the book only in that journal, but, as so often happens, with my plans (at least in the past 10 1/2 months) they changed. This morning's epiphany changed my plans about the entries concerning the book. This morning, after chanting the Greatest Name 95 times and writing the letter to Baha'u'llah, I begin reading Phase One of One Day My Soul Just Opened Up. called Honor the Divine. I have not even started on the exercises, which I will begin on Wednesday morning and already I have came to some startling realizations

This morning's epiphany concerned tests and difficulties, especially those I have encountered since Mom's death. I have known and have known for sometime, at least on a mental level, that tests and difficulties occur as a part of the spiritual growth process. I am not sure I incorporated that knowledge on a spiritual level because every time I encounter certain issues (usually those that point out I am not in control also encounter tests of my faith, which threw me deeper into the depression I experience.

Quotes from One Day My Soul Just Opened Up by Iyanla Vanzant
that connected with me on a spiritual level

"I can imagine that I am not alone when I say I have spent the majority of my life being angry with God. The time that I did not spend being angry I spent being totally confuses, and when I wasn't confused I was afraid."1

"Somewhere in my life, I grew to understand that God was not happy with me."2

...what does it mean to believe in God?"3

"...we are each a unique expression of the Divine Mind living to fulfill a divine mission and purpose."4

"'The Father knows my needs even before I ask!'"5

To believe in God"...means learning to honor your own inherent Godliness."6

"'Right where I am, God is, and God believes in me.'7"

"...one requirement that seems to be true for everyone.... a deep desire to know the Divine that is not based on anything other than the deep desire."8

"'When you are comfortable, you are not growing!'"9

"Things that are going well will go wrong. Things that are not going so well will blow up in your face."10

I need to spend a minimum of thirty minutes a day doing the exercises. I planned schedule (at this time) is twenty minutes in the morning and twenty minutes in the evening. I suspect it will take me longer then that to read each day's exercise and answer the questions At the end of each exercise, there is space in the book to write answers to the questions. I will write my answers in the book rather then in my pen and paper journal or moving to one of the computers. I may or may not retype the answers into one of the following blogs or journals (1) "Welcome to My Life" , (2) "Writing in Snow" , or (3) "Snow Melt" . Of course, if things continue going (which they won't) as they are at the moment, I will probably make an entry at least once a week about the exercises.

Epiphany on Tuesday Morning: I am uncomfortable, therefore, I am growing spiritually. The tests and difficulties I am facing are a part of that growth and intended to assist me in overcoming the trust issues and procrastination.

Footnotes
1  Page 19
2  Page 19
3  Page 21
4  Page 21
5  Page 22
6  Page 22
7  Page 22
8  Page 22
9  Pages 22-23
10  Page 23