Droplets from the Inkwell

"Finding Someone": Great Hope, Unwise Resolution

I carry my soapbox to the middle of the internet, set it down, and step up on it.

On various sites, I've seen many people make New Year's resolutions to "find someone special," though the words they use may be slightly different. You know, I totally get the desire being expressed. I've been single for almost a year now. While I don't find the single life particularly awful, I'd much prefer to be comfortably spending the day in the arms of someone special. So I get everyone's desire to set finding that special someone as a major goal for the new year. Except for one pesky little detail.

Finding someone special is not really under your control.

Sure, there are things we can all do to make it more likely to meet and build a relationship with that special someone. We can get out more. We can resolve to meet more people. We can resolve to say hello to that random stranger at the coffee shop rather than blushing and running away before we make a total fool of ourselves.

We can do many things to prepare ourselves for that special someone. We can work through and heal from past hurts. We can figure out exactly what it is we want out of a relationship. We can figure out exactly what it is we have to give another person and find ways to showcase and demonstrate what we bring to the table. All of these things can ultimately draw more people into our lives and make us more noticeable.

But in the end, there's a certain amount of luck involved when it comes to actually making that connection. We can't control who walks into our lives and when they choose to do it. We certainly can't control when one of those special people who embody everything we're looking for and are looking for all the qualities we have to offer them pops up, sees us, sees us for who we are, and decides they want to make a go of it. That takes time.

So finding someone on a timeline -- even a 365 day timeline -- may not work out. Worse, it may actually cause us to put too much pressure on ourselves and others. Let's face it, bad things happen under pressure. (Sure, you get diamonds under pressure too, but those aren't odds I want to play, either.)

So finding someone special is something I hope happens this year. However, it's not something I'm going to resolve to do or make my Grand Quest.

I walk away, leaving the soapbox for anyone else who wants to use it.

JarredH

Give me pen and paper and I shall create entire worlds and fill them with adventures.