Off the Cuff / My Other Journal

While Describing Actions

It is a good idea to act out the motions we are describing. Some actions, as described, cannot be performed with a normal human body.

"He wrapped his arm around himself, crisscrossed it around his neck to scratch the mosquito bite."

No kidding! I really read this.

Tonight, another one, in the last book I began to read in Kindle. The names are changed to X and Y.

"X's lower lip pooched out as she shook squinted eyes at Y."

Try as I may, I can't shake squinted eyes. I can't shake eyes in the first place.

But this wasn't the only flaw in this book. There were a couple of other un-doable actions within the first three pages. I deleted the book.

One or two things resembling the above or tiny flaws that are due to inattention, I can digest if the story is good, but if the writing is so "florid" that I can in no way picture what the writer is saying, I can't continue reading an entire book written like that.

Beware of dialogue tags. Most of the booboos come attached to dialogue tags. A few others stand alone.

There is no doubt we all make mistakes. I've made my share of it. I still make mistakes, no question about that. But the examples above belong to the finished products. Here in WdC, the work we offer for peer review, even though unfinished, is written with a lot more care, in general.

Clear and straight language is better than a fancy one, especially when the writer is not too familiar with the action or the language describing the action.

So, a note to myself: Act out the motions. Ask yourself if they are doable. Then, make sure the language describes exactly the motions of your character.