On My Happy Cloud

Grace in Your Heart

First THANKS TO MY SISTER FOR MY JOURNALING WRITING BADGE!! I feel so loved

Today is one of those days where I don’t want to do anything. Okay, I’ve had a lot of those days lately. This week especially. But I have a lot of work I really need to catch up on and I asked my supervisor if I could take a half day yesterday and today. REALLY shouldn’t be doing that cause I could use the time to get caught up but…ugh. Everyone here takes vacation time…frequently. I felt left out I guess because of the Holiday in the middle of the week. So, that’s what I settled for.

I’ll be going out to lunch with the fiancé and one of his co-workers, so that should be nice. And then I’ll go straight home. I really have some things I want to write on here. I plan on starting a new item called “The Back Then Files” which just includes different stories of memories I have. A lot that have to do with how I realize people probably see me and why. Kinda hard to explain but I’m sure it will make sense when I start it. I’m almost done with the first story.

All my thoughts are just a bunch of helium balloons floating away from me constantly. It’s that whirlwind again. Closing my eyes and focusing on my breathing is the only thing that settles me down. I feel so much hate, anger and bitterness towards….everything. I don’t remember ever being like this in my life before. Not this bad. So many things I get upset about and I don’t want to be that way.

My eating habits this week have been atrocious. White chocolate mocha’s and cake pops. Fast food. Ugh. I did well yesterday, however. I went grocery shopping and really only bought veggies, fruit, and lean meats and Almond milk. All that motivated me to do better. I had a good breakfast today. One egg omelet with spinach, mushrooms, tomatoes and goat cheese, a piece of whole wheat toast and a side of fresh blueberries, raspberries and strawberries. I just ate some carrot sticks and hummus for a snack. I’ve already picked out what I’ll eat when I go out to lunch today by looking at the menu online.

I just feel out of sorts! Do you know what I mean? Like I’m out of control or something. I almost feel like I need just a day to myself. I think that’s why I ask to leave early so often. I just have to….get away….

In other news, we’ve picked a nice shelter to have our “pre-wedding celebration” It has a big fire pit in the middle so we’ll have s’mores and hot dogs. And the fiancé wanted to have root beer floats too. I’m actually excited now. I was before but it’s been stressful trying to get it planned. Everyone tells you to do what you want to do cause it’s your day and then tell me when they think I should do something different :/ I’ve never planned anything like this. I’m a big failure when it comes to planning things. (That will actually fit into one of the “Back Then Files” eventually.) But I think I’m doing okay so far….but wow, an anxiety attack might be on the horizon…

What I’m REALLY looking forward to is Hawaii. And the wedding. And being his wife :) Being a wife!! For so long I had to hide the fact that that’s what I wanted! Just to keep people in my life. People who were never worth it. And then THIS guy comes along and he’s everything I’ve ever wanted in a person. What do I want in a person, a companion, you might ask? To be number one above anything else. That’s what it’s always been and where the problems have always been. I would convince myself “I want too much. I'm selfish.” How is that too much? How is that selfish? It isn’t selfish when that’s what I’M willing to give. What I’ve always given and never gotten in return. Until now. I’m his world and I know I am. NOTHING is more important to him than I am. Not music, Not cars and not a shotty writing career.

Just me :)



"There will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears and love will not break your heart but dismiss your fears. Get over your hill and see what you'll find there with grace in your heart and flowers in your hair." -Mumford and Sons 'After the Storm'

Okay, fine…back to work…

Much love and happiness,


Elaine Bradley


Elaine Bradley


Elaine Bradley