On My Happy Cloud

Sister Blogs: UNITE!

I am in such a funk lately. I feel useless to myself! I miss getting up early for work and having coffee and watching the news before getting ready to leave. And, you know, actually feeling awake before I walk out the door. Now I go to sleep so late that it’s hard to get up in the morning. Oh, and I just hate walking in here. I can’t even describe the feeling. It would be different if I felt useful but the conditions under which I found that I was most likely hired make me feel stupid. Like I was hired by my supervisor just so she could have more people working under her so SHE could get a better title. I’m a good worker…I’m a GREAT worker. She’s told me this and now I don’t know how much credit to give her. This place is bonkers, truly. I’ve never actually been trained on anything…so can you imagine being told to do things that you’ve never been trained on and just hoping something doesn’t get screwed up? It’s like I’m set up to fail! You can imagine what my nerves are like all day long.

But then again, it’s quiet. I get to do my own thing and hang out at my desk by myself all day and work at my own pace. That part is great. I listen to plethora’s of cheesy 80’s love ballads all day long. This beats working in a nursing home or a hospital. Answering call lights and working understaffed and being stressed as stressed can get. Seriously, no job I’ve had since the nursing home has been that stressful. Ha, I actually remember telling one of the nurses there that I wanted a better job and she said “No matter where you work, it’s going to be stressful.” I just wish I could tell her how wrong she was. Stress, oh sure, sure…but it’s WAY easier to deal with after something like that. I remember that moment I was trying to get an elderly man to eat his pureed food and looking around and having that moment where I think “This is not my life.” I knew I wasn’t destined to be there like some of the other older, extremely tired looking and beat down women I worked with. And for not more than $9.00 an hour…when I was living by myself…how did I survive that?? Who cares, I think. I survived and I’m proud of myself because of it. I did it, for the most part, on my own.

And now look where I am :)

But I have been lonely as far as friendships go. I can’t say I have a best friend other than Ben. Which I’m happy for. I’m really close to my sisters and my parents but they’re not what I would call best friends. I don’t even think it’s that I don’t have a best friend, I think it’s the fact that I’ve had what I thought were really good relationships and then been proven wrong.

My friend Mo…I don’t know what happened there. That’s a sad one. We have such different views on religion and equal rights that I think it got in the way. I really, really miss our friendship. We were so close. We loved the same things and joked about the same things. And now she’s just SO religious. Don’t get me wrong, I normally don’t have a problem with religious people. I grew up that way, after all. Ben’s family is like that. But it’s like she let it help her judge me. Like I’m a bad person to be a friend with or something. That may be crazy but it’s how I feel. She hasn’t congratulated me on my engagement or talked to me about it at all. AT. ALL. What the eff, you know? That just suggests to me….wo, not best friends anymore. Let it go. Should be easy enough, right? Sure.

Anyway, I’m happy to have my blog back. One of the three SISTER BLOGS! I’m happy to be on here and look forward to the first day I have to myself and sit and read blogs all day long. At work, it’s a little more tricky ;)

Much love and happiness!
Elaine Bradley


Elaine Bradley