"Her"

Epiphany

"I almost did it again. I almost blamed everything on myself."

Well, it's a good thing your co-worker told you what was going on. He showed you the type of person he was.

"That's for sure. I don't know why some people are so threatened by me being myself that they feel the need to talk shit behind my back, and then smile in my face. Like the people who treated me so horribly last year, are all trying to add me as a friend on Facebook right now." I shake my head. "They need to change the name from 'friends' to 'contacts', and even then, I wouldn't have those creeps on my list. I need to delete a few other people as it is." I let out a little breath from my nose, making it sound extra huffy. "You know this getting out and meeting people is hard. Are you sure I'm not on my island any more?"

Definitely not! And let me congratulate you on reaching the peak of another mountain today.

I wrinkle my forehead. "What do you mean?"

You spent a lot of time submitting yourself to others, thinking that was the only way you could be accepted. You pushed aside your needs for other people, thinking your sacrfice would be worth it in the end. What did your co-worker say was the motive that made your other co-worker start slandering your name?

"I'm my own person. I'm not a follower, and I'm not a bully. " I nod my head and start to smile. "That's right! I don't follow anyone blindly, and I point out mistakes or preventable accidents to anyone, no matter how experienced they are."

So why do you think you haven't been getting along with some of these new people you've been meeting?

"I guess some people who are used to controlling others or being controlled don't know what to do with me. The controlled people like me when it's just me and them, but once the controllers are in the picture, all that's forgotten because they want to win some popularity contest with people they deem are more important. Controlling people see me as an outright threat to them because I don't recognize their self-proclaimed 'power' or 'leadership'. I don't equate wearing expensive clothes or turning people into followers as being a leader. True leaders maximize their subordinates' strengths in order to reach a goal for the good of all. It's not about appearances. And I can usually tell when a person is a fake straight off the bat, no matter how much they smile in my face. I'll never open up to people like that. I'll never 'fake to make it' when it comes to my personal relationships."

And what are you going to do the next time you end up joining organizations and groups where you don't feel comfortable enough to be yourself?

"I'll cut out a lot quicker. Believe me. Now people are going to be all, 'What's wrong? What happened?'. And with pulling a houdini, it means they'll never take ownership for what they've done. They'll never realize that I've wised up to their foolish bullshit. Hell, I was always wise about it, I'm just sick of playing along."

She takes a sheet of paper from my table and after putting on a pair of prop glasses, reads a quote:'You can win everything, and still look like a loser.' Your words. Not mine. I'm glad. I really am. You've stopped playing along with family, then at work, and now socially. Bravo. I am really proud of you.

I grin. "Thank you. But I have a few more mountains to climb! Onward!"