Who Do I Think I Am??

This one's about stealin'.

THE PROMPT: "Have you ever had something stolen from you? What was it? How did this make you feel? Did you get it back? Or did you hatch a plan to get it back? Do you think it would have worked?"

What's up everybody? Monday...that's what's up. I haven't worked a Monday in a long time...'til today. It was different. I'm sure my week will be thrown off some by having a different day off this week, but maybe sitting around all day before I go back in tomorrow night won't be as bad as having a string of days off and then loathing the eventual grind. We'll see.

So where do I wanna go with this prompt? Let's see...I've had things stolen from me before, personally. And I work in retail...where people steal all the time. There's just so many ways...

Ok, I've got one for ya. It's not a personal story, but it's a fun one. I used to work in a bookstore. It was a nice gig, actually. This actually happened before I started working there, so I'll relate it the best I can.

The mall the bookstore was in (the store has since closed) was one of the quieter malls in the area, but every morning there was no shortage of elderly people doing laps around the concourse at a leisurely gait. The mallwalkers. They would arrive before the stores opened, and were usually gone by lunchtime. They literally were the only people in the mall besides the workers. That's how dead this mall is.

Our store was prime tire-kicking real estate. We were situated across from an entrance hallway, near an anchor, and we had books and magazines. How many people go into a bookstore, linger around, glance at a few books, and take off without purchasing anything or saying a peep? A lot. Especially those of said mallwalking demographic. No big deal.

At the registers were all sorts of little add-on items. Bookmarks, gift cards, and Lindor chocolate truffles. The truffles? Amazing little treats. Three for a buck and a quarter, I believe. No wait, I know this...they were clearly signed, 3/$1.25 or 49 cents. So there's your info.

There used to be a mallwalker...an older gentleman of sorts. A couple times a week he'd stop in. The employees would greet them, and he'd barely acknowledge them. He'd shuffle around, look at a few things, and leave. He wasn't the, what you'd call, "good regular customer" who would "get to know you" kind of person. In retail, it happens. People pop into your store all the time and you get familiar with them and they show at least partial genuine concern about what's going on. Nope. Not this guy.

One year, the store was audited after a general inventory. It seemed that large quantities of truffles had gone missing. A large enough amount that threw out all sortsa red flags. Were they shipped but not sent? Were they not received properly? Maybe they weren't being rung up at the correct sale price? No.

This unassuming old man was stealing them! The guys who worked during the day started keeping an eye on him. It was bad enough that he'd come in every day and not even try to make small talk. That's just rude...if there's places I find myself frequenting and seeing the same people, I make an attempt to at least be nice and personable with them. Hey, I'm here, you're here, I'mma say "What's up?" and you're gonna have an answer, cuz we're all tryin' to get through this life somehow, so why not make it interesting?

Well, they finally caught him. He'd walk into the store, scout around, and on his way out he'd snag a few truffles. And it's my understanding that he thought they were complementary. I could be wrong about this, and I may need to talk to a few of my fellow ex-employees of the store about it, but they nabbed him in the act. And really, they were signed clearly with the price. Complementary? It's not like the sign said "Hey! Take a handful of these delicious Lindor Truffles!" Fuck no...this dude just felt like he was intitled. I mean, really? What store gives away anything like that on an honor system anymore? That's no different than me walking into a gas station and cracking open a six pack without saying "Thank you!" first to the counter help.

Man, I tell ya...people are a mess these days. I could tell you stories that are as long as the night is about retail horrors. Maybe someday I'll speak of the guy who "stole" porn by slicing open the magazine sleeves and sticking the porn in another magazine, and then look at it in the store. Then he'd slide it back in its plastic covering and take off. Or the guy who'd write on index cards his right-wing agenda and stick the cards in magazines he'd deem "unfit" for his causes. Those were great times. I miss that kind of elderly hooliganism.

MUSICAL BREAK!!

When I lived at 542, I once dated a crazy girl. I've probably mentioned her before in passing. She was nice enough once to offer to come to 542 to pick up clothes to take to the dry cleaners. Only, she needed my keys to get into my apartment. So she came into work, I slipped her my keys, she dropped my clothes off and gave the keys back. And this was before I had a deadbolt installed. She failed to properly secure the door upon closing. The night before, the upstairs neighbor was talking to some shady people at my doorway while I was talking to him, and they kept looking around him and I and into my apartment. The door led right into my dining room, where I spent a lot of time on my laptop. There was also my digital camera and a stack of cd's on the table. When I came home that night, I noticed my door was ajar and my laptop was gone. But just the laptop. Not the charger, not the cd's, not the camera. Just the laptop. I shoulda ditched that girl then and there. But that in itself is another story for another time.

Why this song? Because I was just getting into this band around the same time. And I couldn't stop listening to this cd. And I never sold coke and I never had to hold a pistol, and I'm always finding myself caught between the vice and the advice. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vbn7nBZk-Xg

VITAL STATS:

Looks like I need to be catching up on emails and blogs. Ahhh, the "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" .

Yeah, working on a Monday still sucks. Idiocity never takes a day off in my world though, and it doesn't discrimate on which day of the week it occurs on more. Stupid people celebrate themselves every day, and in every unimaginable way, in my store. Too many examples to remember and cite today. I just know that at one point, I was ready to hit the fetal position in the office and weep for them, and for me not only having to deal with them, but for the way I treated them and that I was pushed so far to say whatever it was I said to them that was not offensive, and they didnt get it, but we all on the other side got it.

And now I'm gonna be a good little boy and hit those emails and blogs, and try to get to bed at a decent hour after that. We'll see. Maybe, maybenot. Peace, and GOODNIGHT NOW!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6NNUBvNG5JI