The Alpha and Omega and Between them

now coming back

Looking back on the first days which began a begining of something more profound than an alpha.  That's just a word, this is and was something much more profound.  To describe it now would be the same as describing it then, which would still call for linguistical gymnastiques.  Could I?  Will I? Should I?  The latter will be set to paper, even now for me as sort of a record to reflect back on, the former, well yes, free your mind all of you follows.  Will I, to all my friends and yes, my family, surely.


      How did I find myself here in the cradle of existence?  You know, rigfht up unil the end, I did not care about anything that dealt with it but some months before my alpha we'll say as it fits in the story, I started to care.  But alas, this caring was sort of crutch, and then a terrable nuisence and then, as if doves locked in a cage, it was as if someone opened the cage to my caring, and it was gone and my freedom was assured.  I guess, in hindsight, all that caring was just some sort of attachment,m which is ultimately the sole cause of suffering my suffering.


      This now, such a time, is for me, just that.  Such a time.  I guess everyone I know now would say the same thing. "This is the best we'll ever be.  I can taste victory because it's already mine", they'd say.


      To that, I'd reply, "It is what it is:".  Some people are so general in their speech but so exact for the moment almost to the point of being finite.  I am one of those types of people.  Recollecting on my most triuphal experience, there is only one:  A name, a place, a conversation, and oh yes, a day.


      The day was a warm day as one in the past where it was just you and the womb of your mothers belly.  There was no doubt in me because that had been erased from within me and no tension because I had mastered relaxation or rather rested into who I was.  That was all I had to do.  I was walking alongside a beach along the coast of Texas and the bordering Gulf of Mexico.  I was watching life play with the seagulls as they would swoop down from the air to the sandy floor of the earth only to be found just moments later, going back to the sky from where they once were.  I was watching those birds, those masters of flight and the freedom it entails for some time.  I looked down at my bare feet.  I just love going shoeless.  As I changed my gaze from my feet, shoeless though they were, to look up, I saw beauty itself.


      My vision, for total lack of another word that fits this phenomina, blurred slightly then became acutely aware of everthing.  The breeze tate wherled about me could be seen by me.  Come to think of it, all of my senses were more of being comp[etely awake than one could imagine.  So what occupied my sight??  Who do I maybe owe this awakening to?  Just a simple word, "her", but on a more personal level, her name is Michelle and I was walking straight toward her.