Who Do I Think I Am??

This one's about the hosers.

Hey Wednesday, what's up? Obscure references to that aside, how's everybody doin' out there? We ready to party yet? Good! Me neither.

I'm not gonna lie...it's been kinda boring save work all of the crazies being out at work today. I suppose I should shine light on the gluttony tomorrow at work, as me being the "5-Minute Meeting" person who hasn't had a "5-Minute Meeting" in over 14,400 minutes. Customer complaints are rising, along with sales of wrapping paper. I'd love to share two with you:

I won't get into the whole seriousness of what "Professional Pictures" means to a retail operation's Photo Lab, but I will tell you that everyone who works in the lab is not only trained on how to know what's professional and what's not, but has to take a refresher every year. And yet, people still try to skirt the Copyright Law issue. Let's put it this way: A professional photographer owns the rights to his work the same way an author owns the rights to his novel, a painter owns the rights to his paintings, and a singer owns the rights to a song he/she has written. That's what prevents you and I from re-writing The DaVinci Code but changing the names of characters to something cooler, or turning Lady Gaga's next single into gangsta rap for profit.

Yet people always try to make their kid's school pictures into a Christmas Card.

One: It's a lame idea. Be original. Two: It's a violation of Copyright Law. We're not supposed to sell you those cards if it's clearly a violation. Big drama ensues.

So a woman did exactly just that, and tried to tell us that she took the pics herself. Really? You own those backdrops? Or are your living room walls painted sky blue with clouds? We may work in retail. But not all of us are idiots. G-Stamm tries to shoot her down by mercilessly inflicting Copyright Law on her, to no avail. The manager on duty (with previous photo lab experience) attempts to back him up, also to no avail. Lying to us makes you look stupid, but not getting what you want and throwing a tantrum in the store makes you look even more stupid.

What makes us look stupid? Knowing that if you bitch and complain high-up enough, corporate's gonna let you duplicate anything just to make a buck and keep customers happy. This woman went to the main register and asked for a corporate number so she could complain (and really, that's not where I'd go if I were gonna complain about a law, but I'm just a retail peon). I was called for it so I went to the office to get it. This bitch didn't even leave the parking lot...within five minutes, as the manager on duty and I were still discussing it, there was the call from the district office. About a concern in photo. Regarding cards and professional pics. And their advice? Sell the cards, make the money, and don't question it.

My response (and this is why I don't answer the phone much...and wasn't touching this situation)? Why the fuck do they spend all of this time and money to train us on how not to accept these things, yet fail to back us up when we act accordingly to the policies they train us on? How is that fair to any employee? That's why I stayed as far away from this as I could. We've already been warned that we're not the "copyright police", and even Photo Jesus himself has softened his stance for the greater good, even though he was pretty good in his day about explaining the whys and hows about how he would love to be able to help them, but couldn't. Crisis usually averted. But this time of year, some people are soooooo determined...

That we get into this situation, and really, for what it's worth, it's not worth it for either of us. Especially since you're cheapin' out.

Customer complaints come to us through an email that translates voicemails. Quite elaborate, and too much, if you ask me. Maybe if corporate would just call us instead, we'd have a little more payroll to give the smarter people more hours during the busiest time of the year. But I digress.

This one starts off with "I purchased a $5 ornament for someone as a gift the other day." Well, there's your first problem. You're buying gifts at a drug store, what do you expect? I get it that some people can't get around to everywhere, nor have the money to buy fancy things, but really? Really?? Really.

"The cashier put the ornament in the bag with other things I bought. I got home and the ornament was crushed. Way to ruin this Christmas." Oh my God, do I wanna jump out of my chair and attack my laptop for having just typed that. True story, and I get to reiterate it to people tomorrow morning. I get that we're a drug store, and we can't hire every Rhodes Scholar-in-training, but give us a freakin' break. You want to be in and out as quick as possible, and we're doing our damnedest for you and everyone else behind you. Yeah, sometimes, common sense flies out the window. I, for one, don't always pay attention to what you buy, because I only care about you actually buying something rather than stealing it, and prefer to chatter you somewhat humorously, so that you might enjoy coming to my store. If the person cashing you out notices there's a line forming behind you, calls for help and can't get it because the one person schedually-designed for those situations is on lunch and everyone else is too stuck helping customers with the most ridiculous of questions to contribute to the line moving quicker, mistakes will happen. They happen everywhere else. They'll happen here.

Far be it from me to tell that same complainer that "Ya know what? When we get out warehouse delivery totes every week, more often than not there's cans of cat food in the same tote as light bulbs. And more often than not, those light bulbs are broken. Sorry about your $5 ornament that the three other stores you called are also out of, but cat food breaking light bulbs doesn't ruin my day, and neither should your ornament being broken ruin your drug store Christmas." Although I would've loved to say that.

Being in such proximity to the Canadian border, I'm thinking one of these two situations involved a Canadian. No offense to my Canadian friends, but sometimes, you like to bitch at us for pretty ridiculous things that really turn out to be a waste of a good worry. But I still love y'all. And y'all know that. So...

CHRISTMAS MUSICAL BREAK!!

I totally forgot about this...and I know I posted it on Facebook maybe a year or two ago. Fans of this old early '80's Canadian cult classic http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0086373/ will totally dig this twisted take on a Christmas classic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2oPio60mK4.

I personally am fine with the first day, all twelve days. Maybe even a couple times a day.

VITAL STATS:

The stomach issues have gone away mostly...my first real meal in two days was a Tim Horton's bagel with bacon, egg and cheese. That only bothered me a little bit. Skipped my pizza for lunch. Jess' youngest ate it for dinner. Jess' oldest made a fantastic pizzadilla though, with a "special cheese sauce" he made himself. I was hungry but a little scared, given some scattershot kitchen endeavors he'd had. I'm proud to say it was damn tasty. My belly, however, wants to make me shart again beyond my will to prevent it. Maybe it's the dairy...or that the people I live with watched "The Help" on dvd last night, and are trying to send me a message.

For those who don't know, Tim Horton's is based out of Canada. Mr. Horton was a hockey player who played for the Toronto Maple Leafs and the Buffalo Sabres. He died a Sabre, nearing the end of his career. We commemorate him with about as many Tim Horton's donut shops on our street corners as you in Anywhere Else, USA has a McDonalds. I've had many bad experiences with that damn donut shop, but today was very pleasant...even if I worked through a break trying to eat my bagel, and looked bad about it several times. Maybe upper management needs to mind their own shit. Although, she was pretty nice to me today (even though I slept in a little beyond my start time...that's what happens when I stay up late the night before, in part due to being at work). Eh, the give-and-take of holiday retail. Like my boy DMFM used to say, "Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke!" So very true. You've got to leave room for fun and compromise this time of year, or else the rest of it will be the end of ya. And none of us wants that...shit'll drive ya crazy if ya let it. Especially in retail...you're selling other people shit that they can't have, or you don't have, or doesn't exist; you have a family that you have to gift and you can't find what you need. The ultimate double-edged sword. Those last two sentences really kind of deny any sense of Christmas spirit within me. Luckily, I was able to secure the intent on my first round of Xmas gifts. At least I'm a little pro-active this year.

Can it not be cold anymore? Please and thank you.

Just to prove I love Canadians (as much as the run-of-the-mill shopper-elite Canucks piss me off when they "vacation" here in Buffalo during our busiest retail season and we don't stock their favorite tanning slather of choice...and really, if you're not 19 and a dumb dirty chick from The 'Lo, you have no business buying tanning lotion from anyone other than the place whose beds you lie in), I offer this link for your consideration: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=thMNEqxxTnY

And I'm out...that pizzaiolia thing wrecked my lactose-unintelligible belly. Gonna take a well-deserved nap tonight and move on to another day that will hopefully find me a little more challenged in a good way. Peace out y'all...GOODNIGHT NOW!!