working title

Journal: November 1, 2011

Did very little job searching today. I’m trying to enjoy the last day of vacation, which included little to no worrying about jobs. It was freeing, but I’m already feeling the pull of anxious feelings. Why does it feel like torture to be unemployed? There are lots of people who love to live off the state’s assistance. Too bad $118 per week just isn’t enough for me to live on. Plus there’s the guilt I feel over not working.

Mom called today and asked if I heard anything about jobs. That’s another thing to deal with – family constantly asking, “Have you heard anything?” It’s just about every day that I get asked that question. At family functions, I’ve started saying as soon as I arrive, “I don’t want to talk about jobs or work. I’m trying not to think about it today. I need a day off.” Still, they’ll ask. I can’t blame them. If I can’t pay my rent or some other bill, who do you think I’m going to go to asking for money? Luckily it hasn’t gotten to that point (this time around, anyway).

Being unemployed should be sort of freeing. I don’t have to put in my 40 hours per week and stress out over coworkers and bosses, but somehow I feel like I’m a burden on the people around me. I feel like I can never do enough, when it’s mostly a waiting game. (So, I shouldn’t feel bad for playing Sims for a few hours every day, right?)

Another day with no job. I swear, I’ll get super serious about job searching tomorrow. For today, let me have one more day of relaxing on the couch, laptop resting on my thighs (there’s a rash you get from that, isn’t there? Remind me to buy one of those fancy trays. You know, when I get a job so I can afford one), Netflix on the television (it’s cheaper than cable and just as entertaining), and shoulders relaxed. Tomorrow, I’ll go back into job-search mode. I promise.