Love's Arithmetic

VII: Consternation

The night raged around her, lighting pierced the night sky, thunder followed, menacingly shaking the room, rattling the windows, threatening to bring down the walls around her. Frightened, Caer curled up in the corner, desperate to get away from the thunder and the lightning. She was terrified by storms. It stemmed back to a childhood horror that would stay with her forever. Even in a familiar place, surrounded by familiar people she still felt the fear, the panic that accompanied any type of storm. Every time she was taken back to that night over fifteen years ago.


Having just turned nine, Caer was certain she could handle anything. Like riding her horse, Flash, by herself, unattended. She was a big girl now, and knew what she was doing. She had only grown up on the Montana ranch. Knowing that she was much smarter than her parents and that she knew the ranch and the surrounding area better than even some of the ranch hands, she was ready to go out on her own.


Her parents would never see her way, of that she was absolutely certain. Not wanting to forget her plans, Caer set off after lunch and enjoyed a few hours alone, the ride uneventful. However, as the day gradually grew darker, rain clouds threatened. Remerging her fathers warning about being caught in the rain. Without supplies and proper preparation any number of things could happen. For a nine year old with only the clothes on her back, a canteen half full, and a couple of sandwiches, the possibilities were endless.


The greatest danger, if she didn't get out of the rain, would be hypothermia. Children were more prone to exposure, their bodies not as developed and they were much smaller than adults. Another, was lightning. While unlikely, a ranch hand had been hit by lightning on the zipper of his jeans. He had been blown off his horse and onto the ground. From all reports, painful. Excruciatingly painful.


It was also dangerous for the horses. Rocks became slippery and mud slicked under the weight of the heavy animal. If the horse lost it's footing, the rider could easily be thrown. Possibly leaving them unconscious, stunned, or severely injured.


Being trapped in the rain left very little room for expectation of rescue. Many rescuers wouldn't risk going out in a full fledged thunderstorm. The danger to the men and the mounts was too great a risk. And by the time they managed to get out to look for someone, the trail would be gone, washed away in the torrent. The search would depend purely on luck and instinct at that time.


During the same lesson her father had said that no matter how well you knew an area, in dire situations you always find shelter. Never try to keep moving unless there is no other option. In a thunderstorm, the best thing you could to for yourself was find shelter and wait out the storm.


Caer knew that her father would be furious if she didn't get home soon. If the storm started while she was out, then she would have to follow his direction, but she didn't want to be caught in the storm. She wanted to be home, eating her mother's famous home cooked meals, enjoying the warmth and security of home. Her mother, a native German who had immigrated to the United States some fifteen years before, always said, "Zoo House gift as emmer Gemütlichkeit" or, at home there is always comfort. However, the term Gemütlichkeit did not just mean comfort. It meant protection, safety, belonging. At that moment Caer wanted nothing more than protection from the storm. She wanted to hear the whispered words of soft German her mother would say, bringing her relaxation.


Her parents had decided that they would teach their daughter English and German. Her father, continually spoke English in the home, while her mother always spoke German. Both languages came easily to her and for that she was grateful. It was also fun to pretend on the first day of school that she didn't speak English.


Now, she didn't care which language she heard, she merely wanted human companionship. The love of her parents and the safety she wanted so desperately. It was then that the rain broke through the clouds. A torrent, beating down on her, merciless, and terrifying. The sky lit up as a bolt of lightning flashed, followed immediately by the thunder. Flash started, spooked by the sudden onset of the storm. It was all Caer could do to get her under control.


Sliding off the horse, Caer led the mare down the path, picking her way carefully. It was difficult to see in the dark and she found herself stumbling, hearing a snap and agonizing pain shoot up from her ankle. She had to get to shelter.


Remembering that night, Caer felt even more fear. Her ankle had suffered a compound fracture. She recalled sliding painfully into an old abandoned duck blind and seeing the bloody bone protruding from her flesh. She had almost fainted but she'd kept a semi-cool head. Ripping her shirt she carefully placed a tie above and below the wound, lacking the energy to leave the blind. Flash was right outside, her white coat muddy and barely recognizable, but she would-hopefully-be easy to spot if someone came looking for her.


The present was just as terrifying as that night, the shackle surrounding the very ankle that had been snapped that night, the same fear and lack of safety and comfort surrounding her. All she wanted at that moment, just like the night in the woods, was to be held, comforted. To feel like there was safety from the storm.


* * * * * * * * * *


Garret head a terrible keening sound as he sat in his study, going over some of his other current projects. The sound was pitiful, like a trapped animal facing certain death. It took him several moments to realize that this horrible sound was coming from the room he had placed Sylvia in. He wondered what could cause such a tortured sound. Surely not his own actions in keeping her here. She was a means to greatness, he wasn't planning on hurting her.


After several minutes of indecision and more terrified screams from her room, Garrett put down his papers and went to investigate the source of the noise.


In the room he was astonished to find that she was curled up, rocking in the corner, her blond hair falling around her face, tears streaking down her cheeks, and a terrified look in her eyes. Without thinking ran to her side, feeling an odd sense of animalistic rage at the fact she was suffering. Gathering her in his arms he was surprised she didn't even fight him.


"Calm down." He whispered against her hair, rubbing her back, moving the chain connecting her to the floor out of this way. "Shhh," he felt so helpless. No matter how much fear she had displayed the entire time he had had her in his possession she had still stayed strong. This was a new side of her that he wasn't sure he liked. But he was going to try and get her through it, no matter what.