Down the Rabbit Hole

Elmo and the 8am Conference Call

The trees outside the window look as if they were dipped in powered sugar. The landscape is lovely even thought it is supposed to be Spring, a Spring we all well deserve. This morning I reluctantly dragged Jaden’s heavy winter coat down from her closet, wrestling her into it while she pointed to the dark television and mumbled “mo mo” (translation: Elmo) over and over again. I fought to keep the cell phone trapped between my ear and shoulder while I worked on getting her ready to go. I hoped my co-workers on the conference call could not hear my daughter’s demands or my frantic, whispered explanations why she could not watch her Elmopooloza video this morning.

I have always given props to full-time Moms but this working Mom stuff is hard too. I always feel like I’m failing in one way or another. My worlds often overlap, whether it’s a meltdown at daycare that causes me to be a few minutes later, or a conference call that makes me cut an outing short or breaks up a vacation day. I confront a stigma on both ends; at work I’m the employee with childcare issues and at home I’m the Mom who has to leave her child at daycare – the first one in my family to do so. I’m lucky to have a job in this economy, one that enables me to keep Jaden at the daycare of my choice, a place that is safe and sweet and close by my office. I’m lucky that I have a husband who readily steps up to help, even if it means starting his day hours earlier than he needs to in order to get Jaden to school so I can focus on an ill-timed conference call. I’m lucky that I have a daughter whose spirit is one of sunshine and smiles and that she still looks at me like I am the very center of her little world. Without all these gifts, my life would be significantly harder, my work far less rewarding and my parenting much less effective.