Down the Rabbit Hole

Of Love

In observance of Valentines Day, I sat down to write a blog bout love. For me, it is a complicated subject. Love has taken many forms for me, been represented in a myriad of ways. Love has made me a victim, a sinner, an enabler. It has also made me a fighter, a heroine, a mother. Love has lorded over my darkest hours and it has lifted me up into spaces of light and hope.

I love my husband, he is a good man. I told my father once that meeting him felt like a reward for still having faith, for still believing enough to keep the blackness at bay despite the blows Love brought me in the past. I still feel that way. I love my daughter with a powerful, unconditional Love which I believe can only be divinely bestowed. I love my family in the unquestioning, patient Love reserved for the people that can frustrate, disappoint and also support you most in life.

Today, at this time in my life, Love is making banana and chocolate chips pancakes Sunday morning even though bananas make me nauseous. It is the Love that makes me break into song with "Hot Potato, Hot Potato" on the drive home just because it makes the little face I see in the mirror smile and kick her feet in joy. It is the Love that makes my throat thick and my stomach flutter when I come back from my morning shower to find my husband and daughter sleeping nose to nose, her tiny hand curled around his finger, the very picture of contentment.