Defying Fortune

Float

...Music...
Listening to Flogging Molly a lot in the past week. Before that was a great deal of down-in-the-gutter jazz and tear-out-your-heart blues in honor of a brilliant mind that is slowly leaving this world. I'm trying to get into the mood for my flight and living in Belfast. I'm not quite there yet but Flogging Molly is good for any occasion.

...Life...
Life is a hectic, chaotic mess. I've been away for a while, and I don't know if and when I will return. There's too much none trip-related going on for me to be keeping up. My absence was abrupt and has now become a slow fade. To be honest, I'm not sure I can afford a renewal of membership. This leaves me with a deep sense of sorrow but not surprise. Everyone is cornered with choices - what matters more? I made my choice without hesitation and have no regret except that my goodbye may not be what I had planned.

For those of you wondering what happened and were expecting/needing me for something - I apologize with all my will. This was not planned nor was it intentional to leave you hanging with anything pending. I will try to do my best to fulfill anything you need during my time left.

My grandfather is sick. The family has finally come to conclusion that he has Alzheimer's. It has been approaching this for a while, but we're a family that operates with a deep sense of denial until the point of maximum capacity. I say this with all sarcasm as I can muster. It drives me crazy and only makes losing him that much for painful. He is my hero, my doorway into to so many of my loves. And although his body is still here, much of him is not. I've been trekking and calling and conversing with my father and various relatives over the past month. I might move up there with them should things turn and my grandmother is willing. Of all things I'd go with my mom, their ex-daughter-in-law. She has the most experience out of us all and if anyone could make a situation go smoothly, it's my mom.

There are other things that have taken my attention as well, things too close to me and others, things that are too personal to share even here. It is enough to say that it holds my mind in a cage and my heart in turmoil. If there was a wish to make something better, my wish would go here. Unfortunately, all I can do is pray and hope, two things I've never really been good at, lol.

It was also my birthday in June - I'm 22. Where did the time go? LOL

Speaking of birthdays, my bestest pal in the world - Lonewolf has a birthday today. 29! I have sent along many a greetings to make him thankful that we are separated by thousands of miles. (Don't worry, Wolf. The birthday clown nightmares are only temporary...hopefully ) Happy Birthday, Chris!!!

So, just to recap:

Life is a chaotic mess that will drive me over the edge one day.

I'm getting on a plane and traveling across the ocean to Belfast the Saturday of the 17th.

Lonewolf is 29 today! And yes, you should shower him with gifts, praise, scary clown pictures, and anything else you can think of.

How's your piece of the planet working out for you?