"Her"

Dive

"I guess I'm scared that I'm finally at this place, slowly exposing my heart to someone who cares for me, and I don't know how to stop feeling this way. I can bullshit all day long about not being into her, that a woman like me, and a woman like her would never having anything that will last, and then I see her, and my heart feels funny." I frown at the juvenile description of how the perpetually late girl with a penchant for emo rock and a tattered wallet can make me forget myself.

She lifts the corners of her mouth, and I wonder if she is amused. Sometimes, trusting others is like taking a dive into a pit with no sight of the bottom. Some do it head first, others scale down the sides cautiously for a while.

I rub my eyes. "I've been fucking this whole thing up from the beginning. I can't give her what she needs. Hell, I'm prety much a bad influence."

She shrugs at me. Maybe. Are you having fun?

I frown. "What do you mean? Fun is not the point! I'm supposed to be responsible! I'm supposed to be looking out for her."

Doesn't she already have a mother?

I rub my hair sheepishly. "Yeah. But if I see her doing somehing stupid, shouldn't I stop her?"

There is no stopping some people. Sometimes they have learn on their own. And she isn't ignorant of the consequences of her actions by any means. You shouldn't allow yourself to get too wrapped up in certain affairs of hers, however.

"I'm between a rock and a hard place here. I wish I would always do the right thing, you know?"

The right thing is different for everyone. If you are judging yourself by some higher moral code, then the right thing to do would be to stop talking to every single person you know because of their tremendous moral flaws, and run away to the woods. I almost want to laugh, but I can see that She is serious. It isn't about the right thing, but the best thing for the moment, and then the long-term.

"Then I suppose the best thing for me to do is to hold my breath and dive."

She smiles at me. I have a feeling you'll cross all your rivers and mountains this year. And you wonder why I still stay with you! Seeing you come this far was worth it!

"I've still got a long way to go." I remind her.

She nods. But celebrate your baby steps, Angel. She tells me with a wink.

I close my eyes and wish I could toast her, for all the help she has given me all these long years. "I certainly will."