Defying Fortune

Sing It Back

((The Music))
I first this song after I saw Repo Men this past weekend. I freakin' brilliant movie with a killer soundtrack. This song is playing through one of the weirdest, yet artfully shot scene that will leave you baffled and awed. I will never look at grocery scanners the same again. This was a masterfully produced song done by a group called Moloko based out of Britain. Definitely worth checking into if you like house music or down tempo.

Also, check out Repo Men if you have two hours to stretch your mind. The movie is being panned because it asks you to think. Think, in book reference, Philip K. Dick type of trippiness of the Science Fiction genre. Just forgive the ending.

((The Life))
I finally figured out what is going wrong with me - what is driving me slowly insane. I'm burning out like a supernova.

It's alright. I actually feel better now knowing what the hell this deep-pit of a feeling is. That means I can head it off at the pass, so to speak. I can take steps to back off and relax for a while before I go into a full-fledged meltdown.

The thing is I've been going full tilt boogey for over a decade. Through bedridden sickness, through surgery, through half a dozen moves and a handful of schools. Through family conflict and insane roommates and all the crises with my father.

I've barreled on through. I've kept going full-speed ahead. I just don't think I can do that anymore.

I know what it looks like to ignore the signs. My mom did that, and I thank her for all she sacrificed to raise me and my brothers. However, her system fried itself. She's paying for decades of light speed work ethic. I know others who have done this too. You don't go through that type of full speed unscathed.

And I've witnessed first hand what happens when you succumb to the pressure. My eldest cousin became three times the addict dealing with the mounting pressure of my father's family. After three years of intense rehab, he's finally heading back to Brown. It took hitting the absolute bottom before he bounced back. Unfortunately, my older brother C hasn't been that successful with his pain.

So, this is me on the hairy edge, watching how far I will push myself before I fall down into the wrong direction. I don't want go too far out there. I don't want to fell into a path I can't fight my way back from.

This is just me burning out. Bring the s'mores!