Defying Fortune

Rhapsody In Blue

Here it is, nearly the end of January, and my promise to write more has nearly flown out the window. I think I'll be able to catch the last four days of the month. Still, this is a little sad.

I haven't been on much, and for that I am sorry. There were hectic things happening on the other side of the computer screen that needed more of my attention. Family and school issues - my specialty. To be honest, there was a little crisis of confidence going on with me as well. A depletion of soul if you will. I took some of the time I've been away to work through some internal issues. Still working, but I think I'm coming out ahead on this one.

What do I want most in this life? What are my goals and desires? Where has my mind wandered to as a part of me remains slightly numb? Why do things have to change? Why do I adapt to that change so well?

Troubling questions for a troubled mind.

In weird ways I've gotten the answers through random and not so random pathways. One of my new professors, Professor Merrifield, has given me some insight into some of the problems I've been having even though I'm one of over a hundred faces in his class. Life works out that way, when the masses are able to gleam something from the speaker on the soapbox. I think I know more about what I want to do with my life as a career. Where my passion lies. Could get interesting, lol.

My niece have also been a great influence in helping to remind me that I am human. There are times when I feel extremely numb to all things as if I've absorbed my limit of emotions for a lifetime and can no longer compute anymore. Having my niece come over to my apartment and spend the night has helped me realized my heart still beats. I am not made of tin and concrete as I had thought. She's such a wonderful, complicated kid. I don't think there is a way for anyone not to spend some time with her and not be effected. Grocery store runs are hilarious.

And there's my guy. When I feel I lose faith in the world, he somehow brings it back again. Each day I love him more. Can't help it - he's just that awesome. He's been my anchor these past couple of months, although I doubt he knows that he has been. A rock that man is. We've been through a lot in two years. Hopefully, we can continue this pattern of growth together.

Ah, well, I must be off to class. More writing and venting later. Oh, and here's something hilarious I found on YouTube. Ever hear a mongoose play Gershwin?