Hope Burning

Chapter Twelve:

         Mark was jolted from sleep by a woman’s cries. The fear and sheer terror that he heard had him flying into the bedroom only heartbeats after he heard the first screams.  By the sounds he fully expected there to be an intruder and was prepared to fight but what he found instead broke his heart.

         He hesitated for only an instant but that was long enough to take in the scene before him. He saw Jessica flailing around on the bed crying and screaming in fear at an unseen threat. He saw her face twisted in absolute terror. He saw the sheets tangled around her body and the sheen of sweat on her olive skin. He rushed to the bed and the terrified still sleeping woman. Each cry cut into him like a physical blow and each frightened whimper flayed his soul.

         “Jess, baby wake up. Please wake up honey!” he tried to hold her still and make her wake up and understand she was safe. She beat at him as if he was her enemy.

         She woke in his arms still screaming, flailing and beating something hard and resistant. Still caught up in her dream she fought fiercely against her unknown foe. She barely heard the voice calling to her through the fog that muddled her mind.          

         “Jess please wake up baby. Its ok. I’m here. Nothings going to hurt you. Wake up Jessica” finally the urgent, desperate words penetrated her consciousness and the flailing and fighting slowed down then quieted altogether.

         Mark pulled his head back to look down at Jessica’s face and was met by her eyes only inches from his own. Jessica looked at Mark with utter horror.
         
         Cautiously mark touched her face and wiped the tears from her cheeks while never releasing the woman cradled in his arms. “Jess sweetie, it’s ok. You’re safe I swear it. Can you hear me?” his voice was so tender and aching with concern that she closed her eyes and began to cry unable to respond.
         
         He held her cradled against his chest while rubbing her back and shoulders in slow soothing circles all the while murmuring words of comfort and security to her. She couldn’t bear to look at him again so she turned her face into his shoulder and cried. Slowly she calmed and discovered she was clinging to this man she barely knew, her fingers and body pressing into his flesh as if she could disappear within him.

         Her breathing slowed and the crying and trembling slowly came to an end. “Jess. Can you hear me?”
         
         Unable to meet his eyes she simply nodded her head rubbing her cheek against his bare chest.

         “Are you ok?”

         Still unable to lift her head and meet his gaze she again nodded her head and stared at the tendons and throbbing of his pulse in his neck only an inch from her face. She listened to his powerful heartbeat under her cheek and her mind began to fill with details about him. She noticed the mild pleasantly male scent of his skin, the satin texture of his smooth chest under her cheek and the incredibly soft silky feel of his hair as it fell around her.

         They lay there, Mark cradling Jessica, neither one moving until the rising sun began to lighten the dark room. That’s when Mark noticed the scars on her shoulders and back disappearing down into her tank top. So surprised to see this he gave an involuntary jerk waking Jessica from a light slumber. He wondered what had happened to give her scars like that and how it was he hadn’t felt them earlier while rubbing her back.

         Jessica looked up into his grey eyes and caught a strange look there at the same time the memories from that night came flooding back and she realized her scars were prominently displayed under her too revealing tank top.
         
         “Oh God No!” still held in Marks arms she immediately jerked free and fell out of bed scrambling for her robe. Tears of shame welled in her eyes. How could I do this? How could I let him see me like this? He must have seen the scars and, oh god, I knew coming would be a mistake! “I am so sorry. I didn’t…. Oh I am so sorry! Oh god.” She ran toward the bathroom in humiliation but Mark caught her by the arm before she could make it. He had jumped out of bed the instant she had jerked free of him. He tried to pull her into his arms again but she struggled against him. She knew she was close to loosing it altogether feeling another panic attack coming on.

         Mark saw the signs and tried to soothe her. “Jessica. Calm down. You are going to have another attack. Please!” he held her to his chest and stroked her hair.

         The feelings of safety and comfort from being in his arms warred with the panic that the same act brought about. Confusion overrode the panic for a moment and allowed her to think clearly through the haze of fear and adrenaline. She knew he had to have seen her scars, knew he had witnessed probably the worst nightmare she had ever had, knew he had seen her completely loose it on other occasions and she also knew that he was still holding her and speaking to her in that soothing sweet voice. He had not turned away in disgust, not yet. The wonder of this swirled in her mind making her dizzy although it was probably more due to her dangerously rapid ragged breathing. She couldn’t believe he was still holding her scarred and repulsive body to his chest so protectively. It is probably just pity. You already know he is a good and decent man so why should his pity surprise you? She asked of herself but at the same time she felt something new bloom in her chest. Hope.

         Mark felt her stiffen and freeze in his arms. She had stopped fighting him but now she wasn’t moving at all. Her breathing had slowed though and she seemed calmer. He tried to look at her face but she wouldn’t meet his eyes.

         Lifting her chin with one hand while still holding her with his other arm he brought her eyes up to his. For what seemed a long time they just stared at each other. He tried to decipher the look on her face but couldn’t. She was just such a mystery to him. Although less so now than she had been last night. He knew now why she didn’t want to be touched, especially on her back and shoulders, he just didn’t understand the strength of this emotion for she was still an amazing beautiful woman. Thinking it must be something more he wanted to unravel her mysteries and know her secrets.

         Jessica looked at him first in fear then in curiosity edged with apprehension. She expected at any moment for him to fling her away from him in repulsion but he didn’t. She wouldn’t have blamed him he had. If anything he held her more lovingly than before. Finally she stared up at him in confusion and wonder just taking in the emotions that flowed across his expressive face.

         He looked down at her with sympathy and concern and finally with open longing that made her want to reach up and touch his face again for the second time since she had knocked on his door last night.

         Her robe was in complete disarray and pulled down on one side. Mark could see the band of scars that edged up her shoulder. He never took his eyes from hers as he slowly moved his hand from cupping her chin to her shoulder making sure she would not be caught by surprise.

         When she realized his intention she jerked but then went still again all the while never looking away from his face. His hand continued its slow journey. When it came to rest on her shoulder he felt her shudder and her eyes grew wide and filled with fear once again but never wavered from his face. She seemed to be searching for something in his expression. He began to gently caress the ruined flesh on her otherwise perfect shoulder and all he could think of was that he was holding the most beautiful and extraordinary woman he had ever met.

         She must have found what she had been searching for in his face. She closed her eyes and gave a deep shuddering sigh as she leaned into him. He wrapped his arms around her and realized she was shaking. He realized she was crying again.

         “Jess, why are you crying honey?” his voice was so low he wasn’t sure she would hear it.

         She shook her head and cried a little harder while pressing herself even closer to his body.

         “Baby please talk to me. Did I do something wrong? Tell me please!” his voice fairly cracked with sorrow.

         Her head moved and he realized she had said something but it had been lost in his chest. “What?”

         “no.” came the soft whisper that floated up to him.

         No I didn’t do anything wrong, or no she wont tell me?

         “Jess look at me.”

         Again she just shook her head and quaked with silent sobs.

         “Yes. I need to see your face.” again he guided her face up to look at his.

         He saw such raw emotion there that his own throat closed up. Hoping it wasn’t the wrong thing to do but unable to help himself he lowered his lips to hers and let himself do what he had wanted to do ever since he had met her.

         Jessica couldn’t move or breathe. She saw him leaning in to kiss her but she was frozen in place unable to move. She stared into his smoldering eyes and wondered at the desire she saw plainly in the stormy gray depths. What surprise she would have felt at this was pushed out of her mind as his lips met hers in the softest most gentle kiss she had ever experienced in her life. His lips felt like warm butterflies just barely fluttering over hers. She was staggered by the sudden need and heat that flowed through her numb body awakening parts of her she had thought long dormant. Without realizing how, she found her arms wound around his neck and her body pressed to his. She was fully aware of every inch of his body were it touched her.

         Mark was shocked and inflamed by her instantaneous and passionate response. Fire burned through his body and his control began to slip. Without warning the kiss that had begun as a gentle brushing of lips turned into something deep and needy. Jessica felt Marks arousal hard and pressing between them. He wants me. He really does. She thought in wonder as she gave herself over to the moment and lost herself in this man who had gained her trust so quickly. Her lips, body and hands moved of their own accord without her conscious knowledge. Her body responded on a purely instinctual level as passion burned through her body scorching every cell and swirling in her stomach causing her most intimate places to ache with denied need.

         When mark was finally able to gain control of himself minutes later they were both on the bed again neither one remembering how they got there.

         With a low moan of desire Mark pulled away from Jessica slightly, releasing her lips but not her body. He pulled in a deep shaky breath and tried to reign in his passion. “Jess, I am sorry. I didn’t mean for that to happen, for it to go this far. I just couldn’t not kiss you.” his arms tightened around her for a moment before he straightened and began pulling away from her but Jessica held him there not wanting to let him go.

         “Wait. Don’t go. Don’t leave me. Please” her desperate plea heavy with her own desire brought him back. He pulled her into his arms again cradling her like a small breakable treasure.

         Again he reached down and brought her eyes to meet his. “ I wont leave you.” and it seemed like his words meant much more than they said.

         Mark could see the fear in her eyes again and wondered what had brought it back.

         “Mark?”

         “Hmmmm?” he tilted his head to better see her face.

         When she finally spoke again it was so low he could only just make it out. “it doesn’t… I mean… they don’t….” she closed her eyes and took a breath drawing in her courage before opening them to look again into his eyes searching for truth. “Don’t they bother you?”

         Mark saw now what she was so afraid of, knowing she was referring to her scars and wanted to laugh and kiss her again but seeing the look of fearful determination in her eyes and feeling the tension in her body he said softly, “The only thing that bothers me is that you don’t realize that you are, right now, every inch of you, the most beautiful and desirable woman in the world.”

         “Mark…” the look of raw need and burning desire mixed with tenderness in his eyes closed her throat and cut her words short. She wasn’t able to catch her breathe and she had no idea what to say. The proof of his statement was right there before her in his eyes and face. Evident in the his blatant arousal still pressing against her.

         Mark did not respond as she began to protest and then cut off sharply staring up at him in surprised wonder. All he could do was look at her and marvel. He couldn’t believe that this woman really didn’t think she was attractive anymore just because of her scars. To him, she was even more beautiful for her courage and independence and also for her tender heart. Knowing there was nothing he could say to her he let everything he felt show on his face.

         Absently he caressed her cheek with his free hand while his other arm was wrapped securely around her. He felt her tiny shivers with every movement of his fingers. For several minutes nothing moved except his light caresses and they continued to look into each others faces.

         Cupping her cheek in his hand he bent his head and slowly brought his lips to hers again. His lips were gentle and slow against hers. With an aching tenderness he kissed her and caressed her face with the tips of his fingers trailing along her neck and down her shoulders. When he reached the scars she stiffened squeezing her eyes tightly shut.

         “Shhh.” he whispered in her ear as he bent down trailing kisses along her neck and collarbone. He continued along her shoulders and his hand continuing their caress slid along her back pushing up under her skimpy tank top to touch her bare flesh.

         Slowly she relaxed into his gentle touch and silent tears began seeping from her tightly closed eyes. Feeling the barely noticeable tremors that shook her he looked up to see her tears.

         “Shhh.” he murmured to her again rising back up and kissing away each tear then each eye before capturing her mouth again in another feather light kiss. His hand never ceased caressing her.

         Pulling them both to a sitting position, he kept her mouth hostage with his kisses while gently raising her top up to her neck. He pulled away for only a split second to lift the thin scrap of fabric over her head reclaiming her trembling lips as soon as the top was disposed of.

         Her body began to shake with tremors and still she refused to open her eyes. She had not protested or fought. Her body was completely compliant to his every touch. Unable to open her eyes and look at him she held as still as she could afraid to move or do anything that would make this impossible dream come to an end.

         He pulled her into him and she felt both his hands caressing her back shoulders and his lips continued their exploration of her mouth. His tongue flicked out gently as he nipped at her lips. When she opened to him his tongue entered her mouth and began a more intimate exploration sending heat shooting to her extremities and eliciting from her a soft moan.

         When he heard the soft sound come from her and felt her tongue responding to his he had to reign in his intense emotions and remind himself to go slowly and carefully with her, this strong yet delicate woman he burned for.

         One hand slid down to massage her full hips while the other slid around to cup one full breast which elicited another low moan from Jessica. When his thumb rubbed against her sensitive erect nipple she cried out softly into Marks mouth and brought her arms up around his neck pulling herself into his hard chest.

         The feel of her bare breasts against his skin almost drove him crazy in that moment and he released his own deep groan of desire. Crushing her to his chest he kissed her then like a drowning man.

         “Oh, dear god! Jess!” He ground out when he pulled his lips from hers holding her as tight as he dared shuddering in his attempt to control himself, knowing she was still too fragile to let himself go. He wanted her in a way that was not sane and was afraid to lose control.

         She clung to him fiercely, praying this wasn’t a dream and afraid she would awaken to find that it was just that. Unable to keep them in check the tears streamed down her face forgetting to care if he saw them.

         Gritting his teeth he said the words he did not want to utter but knew he had to. “I can’t… make love to you tonight baby no matter how much I want to. You aren’t ready for that and I won’t push you.” his groan sounded more like a growl as he forced himself to continue. “You have no idea how much I want you right now! I have dreamed of this.” Gasping slightly he continued. “Hold me tight. It’ll pass.” He chuckled lightly, sounding more like a grunt, at that statement.
         
         “Wanting you wont ever pass but the inability to control myself will. Just give me a few minutes okay.” He whispered roughly into her thick hair by her ear.

         Still she said nothing, just clinging to him like a lifeline. Keeping her eyes shut tightly and letting the tears fall she squeezed him as tight as she could and reveled in the feel of his warm hard body against hers. She too had dreamed of this and she too wanted him so badly it ached and pulsed in places that had never in her life known such intense feelings. In her twenty eight years no man had made her feel the things this man did, and in those twenty eight  years no man had made her feel a tenth of the care, tenderness and reverence that he had. She felt her heart begin to break sitting there holding and being held by this strong gentle caring and passionate man. She felt her heart slowly shatter and fall into pieces around her. She felt him entering her soul and did not know what to do about it.

         For a long time they sat there embracing each other. When he finally felt his body and wild desire coming back under his control he shuddered and relaxed little bit by little bit.

         He held her close and brushed more feather light kisses across her forehead and face. His hands twined in her hair and he marveled in the feel and scent of her so utterly feminine. Gently he eased her back onto the bed with him. He covered them both with the sheet and cradled and caressed her until she drifted off into sleep.

         Mark lay awake holding her while thinking about everything that had happened since he had met this intriguing woman and the affect she had on his life. As he lay there analyzing himself and his reactions to her he realized he was falling for her. Hard. He had nothing to compare with the things he felt for her. Everything had been different with his wife. They had been childhood friends. Best friends. They told each other everything and had no secrets. There was loving tenderness and a deep connection, but not the burning all consuming need to possess and be possessed by her that he felt for Jessica. It was frightening in its intensity.

He fully expected her to pull away from him again when she woke and tried to think of what he could do to keep it from happening. Just the thought of losing Jessica made him want to roar with fury and fear. His hands unconsciously flexed and held her tighter and he knew he could not let this woman go. Losing Kai had nearly ruined him but losing Jessica would kill him. He knew he would do whatever he had to in order to hold onto her.

         Jessica had no more nightmares and slept peacefully in Marks arms curled into him as if she had always belonged there. As she woke slowly she squirmed closer to his warmth and pressed her face into his shoulder hiding her face in his long black hair trying to not wake up. Mark, feeling her pressing her naked chest into his, was instantly hard again. His hand swept up to caress her face lightly.

         “Good morning beautiful.” he smiled down at her and she lifted her eyes to look directly into his.

         Still groggy she smiled shyly and realizing she was pressing her bare breasts against him began to pull away.

         “Hey now. Not yet.” he murmured softly pulling her gently back to him never taking his eyes from hers. When she tried to look away he lifted her chin again.

         “Look at me Jess.” she obediently looked up into his face.

         “Don’t pull away from me baby.” He caressed her face as he let the truth of his words fill his face while holding her gaze with his. He went on saying very deliberately, “I want you. I crave you. You are simply gorgeous. You don’t have to hide from me.”

         He pulled her further into his arms and again caught her lips and kissed her so tenderly that it left her with tears in her eyes. Her throat closed up with emotion and she didn’t even try to speak.
         
         “We can go at whatever pace you want to sweetheart, but please don’t pull away from me. You set the rules. I will be here. I am not going anywhere. You need to know that whenever you’re ready I will be right here.” his whispered into her mouth before kissing her deeply one more time showing her his desire for her.

         “Ready for some lunch?” he asked teasingly when he pulled back.

         “Lunch! How did I sleep so late? Why didn‘t you wake me?” She looked at the bedside clock with dismay. She never slept in so late and certainly not until near lunch time!

         “Well we were up for a lot of the night and you were tired. I thought you could use the rest, besides I liked watching you sleep.”

         He stood and stretched, flexing and showing every one of his lean hard muscles to good advantage. Her mouth was suddenly dry and she realized she still didn’t have her top on. She looked around for it but didn’t see it anywhere and finally settled on putting her robe on.

         “So what would you like? I have everything we need for sandwiches in the kitchen or we could go out.” He threw back over his shoulder heading to the kitchen.

         “Sandwiches are good.” she padded after him nearly running into him at the kitchen entry as he spun around to find her right behind him and her face almost pressed into his chest.
         
         “Can’t you put some clothes on?” she blushed and was decidedly uncomfortable around him when he was mostly naked. Especially remembering his hard arousal earlier that morning.

         Grinning mischievously he said, “Nope.” Mark was going to use her attraction to him and anything else he could to break down her barriers and bring her closer to him.

         “Fine but be useful then and go make me a sandwich while I shower.” she pushed him into the kitchen and he flashed her a tragic look of hurt and pressed his palm dramatically against his chest.

         Laughing she went to take a shower and change. Only when he closed the bathroom door and leaned against it did she realize the import of what had happened with Mark. Not just the intimacy and passion but that when she woke although she didnt want him to see her scars she wasn't frantic to hid them like usual. She had been afraid but didn't fall into a full on panic attack. Smiling she climbed into the shower. Only as she was leaving the bathroom a short while later did the fear really come back. Fear that the dream couldn't last and that somehow she would ruin it all. Before opening the door to the bathroom she looked at herself in the mirror and said out loud. "You are your own worst enemy. I am going to hold onto this for as long as I can." Glaring determinedly at the woman in the mirror she knew that it was going to be a hard promise to keep.