Pushing Sixty

Falling in Love

"I think I'm falling in love with you," I said to him.





What I wonder is, how did I know that I was falling in love with him? How did I recognize the feeling? How did I know what falling in love felt like? I had never before felt the sensations I felt when he walked in the room, when I talked to him, when I thought about him.





Nothing unusual about that, of course. Everyone who falls in love, falls in love a first time. But mostly at a younger age than I was when I fell in love for the first time -- and in my case, the only time.





I was 50. The year was 2001.





I was married for 15 years, had two children, lost one, went through separation and divorce. And I felt love for my husband at one time. But I did not fall in love with him, and I never was in love with him. I wouldn't have known that if I had not fallen in love with Paul.





Which brings me back to that question, which seems to have no answer.