Bloggin' Umholtz

The Burger King Conundrum

         Several weeks ago my wife and I were headed out of town on a one day excursion. We stopped at Burger King on the way out of town so my wife could grab some breakfast. I had already eaten but since it was going to be a long drive, I figured I’d get a cup of hot tea to sip on going down the road. We went through the drive through. After placing my wife’s order I ordered a LARGE cup of hot tea. The speaker crackled and a voice came back telling me they didn’t have a “large” in hot tea, that they only offered a small and a medium. I opened my mouth to say that would do, when the question arose in my mind, If you have a MEDIUM size cup of tea, doesn’t that imply that you also have a “LARGE?” I posed the very same question to the crackling speaker/microphone. Silence.

         Eventually a different voice simply replied, “No.” Having eaten my Wheaties that morning, I couldn’t help myself and I responded, “Well then, if you don’t have a large but only have a small and medium, doesn’t that by default make your medium a large, meaning that what you actually have is a LARGE and a SMALL and you don’t really have a MEDIUM?” Silence. Eventually a slightly exasperated voice again relied, “No.”

         At this point my wife was also becoming exasperated with me and told me to knock it off. I wasn’t quite ready to yet. Another thought had entered my devious mind. I asked the crackling speaker (which I swear had little wisps of smoke emanating from it) “Can I order a LARGE coffee?” “Yes.” was the reply. “Can I order a MEDIUM coffee?” Again I received a “Yes.” Can I order a SMALL coffee? And one more time I received a “Yes”.
“Well then,” I asked, “why don’t you just make the large tea in the large coffee cup?”

         “We just don’t.” was the reply. I then asked. “Why are you discriminating against tea drinkers?” No response.

         Finally another voice got on the speaker and proceeded to ignore my last question. The voice proceeded to read back to me my order including the three cups of coffee and finished with, “Will there be anything else, Sir?”

         At this point my wife was trying to hide under the seat. I said, “I don’t want the coffees. I don’t like coffee.”

         “Would you still like the MEDIUM tea, SIR?”

         “Nope, I’ll just have a cup of hot chocolate instead.” I replied

         I’m not sure why, but we’ve been going to McDonalds since then.