.:Dreams and Swords:.

The Girly-Girl

I am currently writing from the desk in my hotel room on my last night in Bakersfield. I'm here an extra day actually. The hotel and room are great so I don't mind being here for a while longer. There are just odd moments of loneliness that seem to attack every once in a while when things seem to get too quiet or still.

Yesterday, as technically today is Monday, was quite interesting. I hung out with the munchkins and my sister Jennifer and my father in my hotel room for a chuck, which was nice to just relax. We went to see "Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs". It was hilarious, especially for an animated film.

Things turned however when I was left to my own devices at around 11 o'clock.

First, I want to go slightly off topic to explain a weirdness I possess. My guy has a wonderful voice. If I could curl up with his voice and fall asleep, I would. There's something about the timbre that makes me feel safe, something of which I haven't felt since I was about four years old. No one has the same effect on me. Even before we began dating, I loved to listen to him talk and relax. Its like my personal brand of catnip, lol.

That being said, I called him once I was alone and settled back for some time together. Until I got the news that it might be our last conversation. Phone problems have always plagued us from broken speakers to strange buzzing sounds. I think in our almost 17 months together we've had five phones between us. Now there's a problem with his contract. It could be months before I hear his lovely voice again.

Surprisingly, I did the girly-girl thing - I cried a bit. If you knew me well you'd know I hate crying, and despite some waterworks since we've been a couple, I rarely shed a tear. To me, misguided or not, crying is a sign of weakness. My eldest brother taught me that giving in to tears is like giving an enemy a power to lord over you. He had good intentions, really. Still, the tears came, and I find it hard to get them to stop.

Saying goodbye was hard, tore at me a bit. So here I am in a random hotel room being the girly-girl my brother always warned me about. And my nose is stuffy.

Lovely.