IT TAKES ONE A LONG TIME TO BECOME YOUNG

The logic of going on

The last few days I have been in bed, horribling ill and feeling pretty useless. I have no laptop, but I just di not want to get up and try to get on-line. My vision has been lousy, and I've been sleeping, dreaming mostly.
I tend to think alot, many times when I am sick or trying to sleep, my mind races around and I skip from images of the past to feelings, to actions, to motivations. I offer up so much static, and my anxiety goes head over heels. I am so much older, yet I am younger than I was. Sounds complex, but, I am amazed I got this far on my life's journey. Sometimes when I listen to people (especially young people in their teens or 20's I think "been there, done that"
I don't envy anyone their struggles or their joys. When I begin feeling like I am not accomplishing anything, I have to remind myself of how much I HAVE done in my years of living. Sometimes I'd like some affirmation of that, but, really, pride is not a good thing. I want to offer encouragement to other people. I'm naturally a giver or a listener.
With the outside forces of economics and politics and events moving us all toward poverty, war, emotional and financial insecurity, it takes more effort than ever to appreciate what I experience TODAY, this hour, this minute. Writing is such a "freedom" experience. Outsiders might say my life is dull - yet I know I purposely experienced life when I was younger, had more energy and more income. I never wanted to wait until "retirement" to travel or spend.
Consequently, I lived alot, traveled alot, worked two or three jobs at once, and raced around "living".
Now I have a simple life. I don't have any places I wish to visit (that I have not already seen), nor Broadway musicals, nor concerts I wish to see. I saw "A Chorus Line" six times. I've been to the off Broadway plays, the Lincoln Center musicals in NYC, been lobstering with the lobstermen pulling traps in Maine, snow skiied in Italy, learned foreign languages, lived for four years in Europe as a teenager. I've eated at the best of the best top resturants in the world.
Recently my mentor, my College Professor and her husband came out to visit me. Their adopted daugther was apearing in an Opera in Santa Barbara. That brought back memories of Operas I attended in Europe in 193-1968. Foggy memory. But I told them I went to one in Verona, Italy sitting in a huge old ampitheatre outside, and I recall there were elephants and animals on the stage, and the Opera was 5 hours long. My guests asked me some questions about this. Then they shook their heads and said I had attended the Opera "La Boheme" (I believe they said) or another famous one. The only Opera that included a stage of huge animals. And that I had attended it at one of the oldest Opera sites and historical landmarks, that it was an old Roman amphitheatrea where I had sat, from the Roman Empire period; and that every Opera enthusiasts would kill to attend an Opera in that country at that site. I had no clue. I believe I was eleven or twelve years old at the time.
It was interesting to hear their perspective. They are retired and are big travelers. They took me under their wings when I was in college. I gave them a tour of my part of California, touring the beaches, and hillsides. Places I take for granted are so interesting to visiters.
End of this rambling. If I ponder the logic of going on, does my life have meaning still, I must humble myself and express gratitude for all God has given me, and never second guess or refuse direction and help HE send my way. Everyday must be lived, appreciated, enjoyed, and my actions in the world person by person should promote peace and kindness and compassion. Living IS good.