Work in Progress

Intensity

The heat and humidity had me feeling a little worn out when I got to the gym tonight. It's Tuesday, one of my sessions with April and I know that I have to be ready for anything. I never know what she's going to throw at me (and hey, I actually like that about her!) so when I walked in the door I tried to throw off the tiredness and find some untapped energy source deep within.

Boy did I need it! I was hoping beyond hope that running wasn't on the menu...hoping that maybe, just this once...she would forget. She didn't forget (darn her!) so I sucked it up and ran...despite a bladder that started screaming at me at about three minutes...despite the oppressive heat and the dripping sweat. And I did it. Six minutes. Halfway to goal. Sweet!

The rest of the session was more of the same. New exercises that hit places that I didn't know existed. Things that require greater focus and intensity. Things that make me dig deep and make me determined to see them through.

I'm not an intense person by nature so this is new territory for me. It's fascinating to learn just how much is possible just by finding the strength inside myself. I kind of like this new intense side of myself. I like working hard and earning each drop (or occasional bucket) of sweat. I like trying something that feels difficult, even impossible and pushing through it. I did forty regular push-ups and twenty push-ups with close hands. I ran for six minutes and I'm halfway to my goal. I fought through the slight dizziness and headache that the humidity brought. I felt horrible a few times while I was working out, but when I was done, I felt amazing. I really did find some untapped energy source.

I'm starting to enjoy a little intensity. It helps keep me focused on my goals. It helps me stay on track when the scale doesn't cooperate. (Note - I'm seriously considering banishing the scale and only weighing myself once a month.) It helps me to say - yes it's hard, and yes it feels like crap, and yes, my entire body is shaking, but I CAN do it.

There is so much more to this journey than those numbers on the scale. I am finding so much inside myself and I'm learning to trust and believe in it. I've been on this journey before, many times. I was even successful once. But this time it feels different. I feel absolutely certain that I can lose the weight and gain the fitness that I want. So no matter what April throws at me, I'm going to try my hardest, dig deep and push myself. (And I'll try not to roll my eyes the next time she says 'pushups next' while I'm running five miles per hour on the treadmill.)