The Five Strands of A Sedentary Empress

Self-analysis? Self-honesty?

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It's a tough thing to admit to yourself that you very often get things wrong.

I've unconsciously been a supporter of ageism, been a sexist when hiring, a racist when I watch the news, a snob when ordering in restaurants with cloth napkins, a right-winger when discussing the appropriate consequences for a criminal, a bleeding heart when it comes to the unborn or the animals I feel don't deserve to be slaughtered. Nearly every single one of my opinions will offend at least one other person on the planet, and it is that one opposing view which will come with me to bed at night, keeping me awake. I have been the most beautiful in the room as many times as I have been the most unattractive, the most learned as many times as I have been the most ignorant. I have been mean, I have been condescending and I have been dismissive. I'm always trying to fix the problems, never ready for the myriad of others which always seem to pop up right after.

If I were to be honest, I have to say that I sometimes think that all the politically correct talk in our society is almost irresponsible and unrealistic. I'm not talking about respecting everyone equally, that's a given, but this whole idea that you can't express your point of view for fear that someone will either be completely offended by it, or will misinterpret the intent entirely is totally exhausting to me. Why should I be afraid to tell someone the truth? I'm basically a decent person, I don't think anyone is less than me, so why should I be so concerned about the backlash when I give my point of view and it doesn't coincide with what the larger group, or what the dictating powers, advocate? I don't really have any inflammatory ideas, I don't think, and I intrinsically believe that everyone is entitled to the same rights as the person next to them, so what's the problem?

When I say that I think everyone is equal, don't interpret that as politically correct, programmed garble. You'd be mistaken if you do. I genuinely understand that as humans, we're all on level playing field and feel that everyone needs to be treated with the same intelligence and sensitivity as I expect for myself. That said, I have those moments when things get to be too much, when I have to admit that I sometimes wade about in the pool of cultural bias. Not racism, exactly, because skin colour does not make any difference to me at all, but the way some cultures live...well, I don't always relate to it, and this turns into private prejudice.

I don't want to see another news clip about a car bomb 'over there' because I'm sick of it. The association one makes between a Middle Eastern person and the complete disregard for human life is not difficult to understand when you consider that all a Westerner really has to go on are sensationalistic news stories which literally bleed all over the television screen. It instills a deep misunderstanding in the people who watch it, creates a division between the two worlds, and suddenly you're eyeing every person who looks Afgani, Iraqi, Iranian etc. with suspicion. What I tend to do is go the other way. I try harder to make a Middle Eastern person feel more welcome, determined not to exhibit any kind of suspicion because I'm supposedly an intelligent, evolved human being. Then, privately, I shake my head about the family who live above the gas station down the street, fifteen of them crammed into the one tiny apartment. I judge the way they let their children run around without supervision, I feel anger at the young man who puts gas in my car because he looks at me for longer than I'd like, I hate the way they have silk flowers on their back porch next to an old, rainbattered sofa. It's not the way I would do it, I think to myself, not immediately latching on to the hypocrisy that lives inside me. I never let myself think that it's because of cultural bias.

Since M. lived in Kuwait for a while back in the early eighties, he not only speaks Arabic, but he understands the people. Because of this, I've gotten quite an education about the Middle Eastern culture (translate as: my comeuppance). These are not bad people, I've come to know, nor are they blood thirsty, Western hating killers. What we see are the extremists, and all too often we assume that they represent the vast majority of the society they proclaim to represent. Not so. These are good people, ravaged by violence to the point that they don't know, or remember, what life is like without it. I try to think of this when I see one of the many children from the gas station on the corner, riding their bicycles without a helmet at dusk. This is how they do it, I try to remind myself, without judging them, without criticizing. I try to understand that it's a cultural difference, nothing more, and they are learning how to live here, just as I would be trying to learn their ways if I elected to move there. There is no real difference between us other than ignorance, on both sides.

Then, the African-American/Canadian culture. I have to admit that my blood boils whenever I heard the so-called 'N' word being injected into their personal discussions, like it has no meaning when used in a hip hop, down home way. Sorry, it doesn't work for me. As the word itself is frought with such negative and derogatory meaning, it seems stupid to try to use it in a way which is meant to be 'cool' or 'personal'. Look, it's just a word, but I think it's offensive no matter who is saying it, and please don't say it's okay when a black person uses it because they've 'taken it back', making it exclusive to their vernacular. I have a right to disagree, because I live in a society which supposedly allows free speech, but how is it free when white people shrink from it with embarrassment, while the people who should rightfully be the most offended by it actually use it in their everyday speak and art? I've heard every conceivable justification for it (from some of my black friends and acquaintances), and it never, ever makes sense to me. One person told me that it's okay for them to use it, but not me, because I'm white. I rolled my eyes and said 'look, I am not responsible for slavery, never had a slave, don't know anyone who has, and if you want to get personal, MY people were enslaved and murdered by the English over a period of eight hundred years, and I don't hold it against any English people in my life now, because THEY didn't do it.' Which is true, and very un-P.C of me to say, because god forbid I say it out loud, right? Is it any less true if I don't say it, though? Should I be afraid to give my side of it because it's not what the current societal standard is? Obviously, there were some pretty misguided and cruel white slave owners once, and there continue to be some very rabid racists out there now, but to continue enforcing the divide by creating a discriminatory language is preposterous to me.

Also, I have to admit, that while I don't have any real prejudice against people who are Black, Asian or any other minority, I am always conscious of what I perceive as their possible racist attitude toward me. Am I being discriminated against because I'm white? Do they think less of me for it? And, admittedly, this is what puts a wall up. It's not about how I feel about them that does it. It's about how they feel about me, how they might be intentionally searching for prejudice in me when I'm doing my best to demonstrate my complete disinterest in their differences, which, interestingly enough, is magnified because of my own fears of how they see me. See how completely confusing it is? I'm not going to beg anyone to believe me when I say that I genuinely think everyone is equal, but I feel, that as a white person, I might sometimes be expected to do so, and even then I will not be believed. I will not take responsibility for the past and current prejudices of others just because our skin colour is the same. I will not take responsibility for the crimes committed by people who also have green eyes, nor will I assume the blame for anyone who has ever killed just because they might have the same colour hair I do. Why should I? It would be ludicrous.

And, I'm afraid to say any of this out loud, because there are people who think they need to say something about it, just because they have to fight for something. There are people who will be offended, because they will only hear certain words and completely miss the truth of what I've said. We're all looking for a debate and a reason to sound off because we are all frustrated by those who continue to hate out of fear.

There is no group on the planet which is not preoccupied with cultural differences, not one race of people who are free from the prejudices which are inevitable when one group differs in some way from another. Every culture has suffered at some point or another, every class of people victimized or repressed because another people had their turn at dominance. No one race or culture can lay exclusive claim to misery and subjugation, and it's really time we all got over it, but, is that possible?

But, I get things wrong sometimes, and I often don't express myself in the way I intend to and I shy from honesty at times, knowing it won't please everyone. Ultimately, I want to make everyone happy, but I've come to know it's not possible.

I try. You try. We all try. Some of us are just better at it than others.

I'm just being honest.