More Snow Melt

Why do I worry about doing something wrong?

Jalál (Glory), 5 Jamál (Beauty), 166 BE – Saturday, May 2, 2009 about 1:06 PM Pacific Time

I know this is something that clings to me from childhood, it's like stepping into cow dung with a pair of brand new leather boots. No matter how much you scrape and wish the sole, the smell still lingers for days, weeks, months, and years. You can't get the stink of the dung of the boots. The only thing to do is buy another pair of boots and wear the cow dung boots only to the barn or pasture.

I've noticed this fear more lately then earlier in my life. Perhaps it's because I've noticed my mother dealing with a similar issue. Before my mother went into the hospital in 2007, she didn't worry about doing something wrong, but now she does. I suspect it's an issue she has had all her life, but didn't deal with before. Now that she is 88 and having health issues, the idea of always doing something wrong has come to the foreground.

Since I've noticed Mom dealing with this issues, I've discovered I'm also cursed with it. I don't know what to do when I find Mom feeling she did something wrong, except attempt to reassure her that she didn't or that everyone does something wrong once in a while. The issues is coming to the foreground with me and at some extremely weird times.

I suppose doing a project wrong is an opportunity to do it over again, but that concept doesn't help me any more then it helps Mom when I suggest this opinion. The only thing I know to do, at this point, is just to keep on keeping on and when I think I'm doing something wrong recheck my work and then go on.