On My Happy Cloud

It Can Only Go Up From Here...

I had my second panic attack in a month last night. Within the last couple of weeks I could feel it coming. I had just been keeping my fingers crossed that Bobby wouldn't be around when it did. Of course, he was. The frustrating thing about it is that when he asks what's wrong I don't know what to say. Every. Little. Thing. When you have anxiety disorder, everything causes you to be nervous and wound up.

I'm starting to get things sorted out and I've learned a lesson. It's not that I'm broke or I don't make enough money, it's that I don't manage my money well and I buy stupid petty things I don't need. I never put my bills first and that in turn is my first mistake. Electric will be on Saturday but I will still be out of a computer. Ah-well, I don't need one right now that badly anyway.

I'm gonna do my best to get on here and write though I just feel emotionally drained.

Bobby and his mom asked me to go to Texas with them to visit family later this month. I'm doing everything I can right now to find people to cover my shifts. That's a nice thing about working only three days...less days to find replacements. Plus, one of those days we are overstaffed and another is a non-violent crisis intervention class that I'm sure I can re-schedule. That just leaves one day and I think I know someone who might work it for me. Keep your fingers crossed. I would love to meet the rest of Bobby's family and friends and I really could use getting away from here for a while.

It's a nice day out. I woke up at 10 and headed to the diner and drank about 11 cups of coffee. Bobby's mom made me a western omelet with home fries and Bobby made me a home made doughnut I filled out half a sudoku and then visited with Ike and Marm, two old locals. They're sweet and funny. Ike's an old fella in bibs and a hat and he always sings. He's got one of the blue grass voices and plays banjo and mouth harp. We're sweet on each other but Bobby's not too jealous...he belongs to Marm!!

Well, anyway storms are supposed to hit and I'd kind of like to take a little walk. Much love and happiness my friends.



Elaine Bradley