Amygdalia's Blog

Winter?

Today I'm feeling the utter futility of trying to do something for myself.  I spent a week and a half being SOOOOOOOOO good, dieting and exercising . . . and what do I have to show for it?  My pants are TIGHTER than they were 2 weeks ago! 

I was doing really well, too, with my mood.  Being very good about taking my Omegas every day, and it was making a big difference.  But yesterday and today have just been really rough, again.  Why?  Maybe the weather?  The snow makes me feel more trapped than usual.  Cleaning off the car this morning, I was practically in tears.  My van door would not open, and my fingers were numb even with my warmest gloves.  My day has been pretty much one big panic attack.

Last night I thought I was gonna lose it, with Goldilocks.   She was struggling with an assignment . . . and when Bob wouldn't step up to the plate and write the thing for her, she started freaking out.  It lost meaning . . . it was no longer about the damn assignment . . . it was about PAY ATTENTION TO ME!!!!!  I must have come closer to losing it than I thought . . . because Dr B had as her FB status that she was scared of Mommy.

I have to figure out how to keep myself on an even keel . . . it's just not working right now.