The Undiscovered Country

The Guilt of Success

Along with presenting my book at the conference, I'd like to pound the pavement with a few of my articles. One of my favorites talks about what Dave and I went through to have Thomas.

I found a magazine that accepts articles dealing with infertility, so I logged on to their website and read a few of them.

Of the three I read, they all focused on the heartbreak of infertility, and how God will, if not fill the void where a child should be, accept that having a child will not happen. God's not punishing those who can't have children, but instead he has a grander purpose in mind.

My initial reaction was two-fold: They won't accept my article, because God 'granted' our desire to have a child.

I then felt guilty for it. Why did Dave and I "succeed" when so many others "fail?"

And another question: Why should I feel guilty? At what point in our history has success become a sin?

I'm not talking about fertility, but economic, emotional and familial success. I drive a 2004 Jeep Cherokee, own my own house, am happily married, gainfully employed, and don't live from paycheck to paycheck.

When I talk to those who have less, I honestly want to hide that success. I admit it's due to fear of jealousy, being accused of living a charmed life, and not understanding the harsh life of the down-trodden. We as a society have accepted the attitude that to be poor is to be moral and righteous. The rich and successful cause all the evil in the world, and therefore should be punished. I don't want to be punished, so I hide my worldly blessings.

I further this internal discussion with asking, "What's wrong with hope, and a positive outcome?" Does this magazine only want to speak to an audience without the hope of positively answered prayer?

To be fair, I know they don't. They're not focused on when God's response is not what we anticipate, but in turning to God regardless of our hopes and dreams. It's about giving up those hopes and dreams to him. He should be our focus, not whether or not we have that child, get that job, or live in that house.

The only way to discover if this magazine would accept my article is by showing it to them. I can always hope for success, as long as I don't confuse my hopes with expectations.

I learned that lesson with trying to conceive, and I could weave that lesson into the article.