The Five Strands of A Sedentary Empress

Like that.

Today, while having one of our marathon chat session, my sister slips it in (awkwardly, intentionally) that she had a pre-Christmas dinner with R. and his family. She then went on to say it was chaos, that all of the children together (meaning her two and R's brood) were out of control, making the dinner a horrible experience. I wasn't sure if she expected me to feel sorry for her, but rather than do my usual and raise any sort of objection about a)being informed about it and b)the fact that she was breaking bread with my ex, I opted for cold wordlessness. The discomfort was in the air, and she caught it, slickly moving to another topic, leaving the unspoken rest where it was.

Why is my family still going in that direction? Not family, as my parents are not in this, by my sisters? What are they holding on to? I understand they felt sorry for him six years ago but he's moved on girls! He is married, with a child of his own and two or three step-minions. His life should have nothing to do with them, and vice versa, but here we are, six years after the fact and he's having Christmas with them. Isn't this a bit odd? Is it dysfunction? Why does it bother me, anyway?

Imagine, if you will, that you have a serious boyfriend who you live with, dream with, plan with, and that boyfriend flatly tells you he will never marry you. So, you don't believe him, you think he'll change his mind when he realizes what a find you are, only more than a decade passes and he makes good on his original proclamation. You become ridiculously sad and worried, because this isn't the life you were working for, and he has hurt you even if he thinks everything is fine the way it is. Cut to a dashing stranger, a fantastic interloper who comes along when your hurt is bleeding the most, and he does nothing more than say a few true words before your loyalty is shifted. You say goodbye to the one who opened the wound, and it hurts you to do it, but you have to do it or you'll die. Then, cut to six years later, and your family, the ones who share your blood and your past, decide to keep the dynamic alive. Nevermind that none of it had to do with them, or that he was your partner, your life. They've taken over, and what's more, they like to let you know they have.

Am I still the unreasonable one?

***

M. and I sitting on the couch, earlier.

M-How are your various innard ailments this evening?

T-Oh, you know, there's some stuff going on, but no worse than usual.

M-Still bothering you tonight, then?

T-A little, but not major.

M-*Sigh* It's like I forget what it's like to have a sex life.

T-Uh, sorry? Don't go blaming that on me, dumbass.

M-What do you mean?

T-Look, your mother just died and before that you had a virus and despite my agonizing pain, I've been staring at your groin and dreaming. I've said nothing because I was trying to be considerate.

M-Well, I've been staring at your boobicles while you've been sleeping, too!

T-My what?

M-You heard me.

T-I challenge that statement. I sleep in an overized t-shirt! My so-called boobicles are very likely covered while I sleep.

M- You don't know. (He sneers)

T-Oh, but I do.

M-You're always asleep when I come into the room!

T-Hey man, it's usually past midnight, and there's never any guarantee that you'll be in the mood, anyway.

M-I just said...

T-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Any delusions one might have about our intelligence would go right out the window if they were privy to such a conversation. It's a wonder either of us has ever gotten laid.

And here I am, tired, trying to find a way to sneak off to bed without him being the wiser.

On the plus side, I got my prescription for my pain medication today! This will be the closest I come to experimentation since the narcotic drip when I was in labour. As I recall, that was a fairly groovy sensation. As of now, I have no real need to take it, but the idea of having something near which will banish my pain and make me feel relief is sort of exciting.

I'll take what I can get.