.:Dreams and Swords:.

The Black Drudges of Coffee Are Fading...

I am currently on my fifth cup of coffee today. That's just today, not including that yesterday which I'm pretty sure hit four. If I count tomorrow now then I'm hitting an average of four cups a day and will probably surpass that number by double before I can sleep after my class is done.

Its getting to me like a slow, lingering nightmare.

I take my coffee pretty black with a dash of non-dairy creamer and a packet of Splenda. I figure if I add the extras it'll dull down the jitters that'll pop up any minute now. Usually I take is black as sin or so doped up on cream and sugar you can barely tell its coffee. It all depends on my mood. But tonight I need the caffeine like an addict needs a fix so...

You might be asking, why?

Its Finals week. I, personally, with the grace of the Almighty Upstairs, don't have to take them this semester. My professor has other four courses to teach and has decided that presentations are better than grading more papers. But still, when there's a Final there's a paper. And the paper is kicking my ass.

It shouldn't. In fact it never does, and the topic I have is a piece of cake, and the length is minuscule compared to other papers I've had in the past. So, again, why? I have come to the realization that I don't care. About any of it. Even failing.

Usually this happens in high school. I missed that part, which is sad seeing as this has more barring on my life than those four years of hell. But I can't seem to find my "keep fighting" determination. Haven't for the past couple of months. I blame it on the surgery. They removed it when while they were digging so close to my brain, damn them... joking (sort of).

The fact that I have gotten anything done astounds me. But I know its because of two people - my beloved and my mother. Whatever *this* is, they still have helped me - push me is more like it - to the finish line. Its why I love them so much. What better way to keep going when you hear words like, "Hey, you're a dork but I love you anyway. I'm here to help you through this." The wonderful words of best friends.

It'll all end tomorrow around 7:00 PM Pacific Standard Time. Then I can sleep. Then I can have this freaking class and everything with it off my shoulders. The semester will be over (save one more class) and I will be released from the chains of oppression! I will have earned my educational due for the year 2008! It will be done!

And then I'll pick my classes for next semester on Wednesday. Coffee anyone?