This is Life

Comfort Lost

I stared out the window down each trailer filled road. Each street was a cookie cutter image of the next. I felt a painful lump in my throat and swallowed down the pent up tears. "Hey its alright kiddo." My Uncle Robbie smiled reassuringly at me in the rearview mirror. I looked back at him with no response, knowing I couldn’t return the smile without breaking down in tears. He combed through his short blonde hair with his fingers and sighed. He looked back at the road ahead of him, “Its better than being in a foster home baby girl.” He said.

That was true. Uncle Robbie had taken care of my siblings and I every summer since I was 5. Looking around me now, there were no brothers or sisters crowded in the seats, laughing and playing mindless road games. It was just my luggage and I, all alone.

My family had died in a house fire, leaving my youngest half-brother and I to suffer alone in the world. Evan was five, and went to live with his father, no matter how much I begged him not to separate us. I had nothing left. My childhood home had perished in the flames, all of my family and possessions, burned right along with it. It was as if nothing in life had existed up to this point. So I was going to live with my Uncle, the only relative I could stay with. I sank into my sorrow, slumping down in the seat trying to avoid Uncle Robbie's kind blue eyes.

"Ehvie..." His deep voice brought me back to reality. "Listen baby, I know its bad now, but everything will heal in time." What a Hallmark saying, I thought. With all my strength I forced a painful half-smile on my face. I only prayed that time could put a band-aid on my broken heart.

Two summers before, I had met my boyfriend, James, in Uncle Robbie's neighborhood. At the time I was thirteen, and he had been sixteen. We had been together, in a long distance kind of relationship for two years now. I sat back in the white leather seat and took a deep breath, knowing I would soon be able to feel his strong arms around me. My eyes slowly shut, and I fell asleep.

The crunch of the gravel underneath us woke me up as we pulled up alongside Uncle Robbie's doublewide trailer. The neighbor's son Taleeb watched us park and walked up to the car as I got out. He threw his arm around my shoulders. "Hey Ehvie! What you doin’ back so early dis year? Its only March!" Taleeb was a slim black kid, kind of tall and always wore clothes way too big for him. He was seventeen and as far as I knew he had two kids already. "Don't man!" Uncle Robbie swatted Taleeb's arm off of me.

"Hey it's all good Rob." He backed up a bit, confused. I bit my lower lip to keep it from trembling and grabbed my bags off the cracked driveway to run inside. Being that I only had two bags, it wasn’t too hard. I would have easily lost all composure if I had stayed a minute longer. Inside the trailer it was much larger and nicer than it looked from the outside, but I didn’t take the time to look around, I simply walked down the back hallway and into the room I had stayed in every year with my sister.

I sat down on the bed that would be mine from now on and cried. I locked the door and cried as if the world were ending for close to an hour before all the tears were gone, and I was dry heaving. It was the first time I had really let anything out since the fire two weeks earlier. I had spent the last 12 days in a state foster care facility waiting on Uncle Robbie.

At around 5, Uncle Robbie knocked on the door. I unlocked it and sank back down to the bed. "Don't you wanna eat baby girl?" he asked softly, sitting to my left. I silently shook my head. Even the thought of food made my stomach turn. "Come on," he smiled, "You're what? 90 pounds?" he laughed a little to himself. I didn’t think it was so funny. When I didn’t respond he explained he was only joking with me. We sat silently for about 5 minutes before he said anything else.

"Hey, doesn't your boyfriend live around here?" he asked. I sat up slightly, picturing James's face in my mind's eye. I nodded. "Well call him up!" Uncle Robbie's eyes sparkled with enthusiasm. I smiled, thankful tears building up in my eyes. He reached his arms around me and held me in a loving hug before kissing the top of my head. "Now that’s what I like to see." he said referring to my smile. He handed me his cell phone and left the room, closing the door behind him. I looked down at the sleek gray Razr in my hand and quickly dialed James's number.

"Hello?" his voice was so refreshing to hear.

"I'm here..." I spoke quietly, my voice was worn out from crying.

"Ehvie? Sweetie is that you?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'm at Robbie's." my voice cracked.

"I'm on my way over okay?" I could practically hear him smile as he talked.

"Okay." We exchanged "I love you's" and hung up.

I lay back on my bed; the pink comforter was fluffy and inviting. I closed my eyes and waited for him. Within 20 minutes I felt warm kisses covering my face. I had accidentally drifted off. I opened my eyes and saw the most gorgeous ocean colored eyes staring back at me. Without saying anything, he kissed my lips, and then smiled at me. "You get prettier every time I see you."

It had been nearly 6 months since we had been together in the same room. I blushed slightly and sat up, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. "I missed you so much." I said looking down. He lifted my chin up, "I missed you too sweetheart. I'm so sorry about what happened." He leaned over and kissed my cheek. "I don't want to think about it Jamie. Please?" I could feel my chest growing tight. "Oh no, no, no, shh..." James gathered me in his arms and rocked me slowly from side to side. "Its okay baby, its ok. I'm here now." My body shook as I sobbed in his arms.

A few hours later I awoke to find myself still in James's arms. My head was slowly going up and down with the rising and falling of his chest. I looked up and kissed his neck. "Huh? Oh, Ehvie." he pulled me up to his face and smothered me in kisses again. He slid up, "Ugh, what time is it?" he looked over at the blue digital clock sitting on my nightstand. "Oh, its only 8."

I sat up on the side of the bed, staring down at the old wooden floor. My heart was heavy in my chest. James crawled up behind me and rested his head on my left shoulder. "Come on babe. Wanna go have a couple drinks?" he kissed my neck and I nodded. We both got up and walked town the dim hallway, the television in the living room was so loud you could practically feel it with each step. When we came out of the hallway, Uncle Robbie was chilling out on the couch, stretched out with a blunt in his fingers. His eyes were closed and he was nodding his head as if music was playing.

"Hey Uncle Robbie." I said smiling. His bloodshot sparkling blue eyes opened, and he looked up, mouth open, and stared at me for a few seconds, as if he was trying to remember exactly who I was, then slowly a half-grin crawled onto his face. "Hey baby!" He said calmly, "You guys wanna drink, there’s a few bottles of um, some stuff in the kitchen." He grabbed his glass pipe off the coffee table. "I uh, I was doin some Jagerbombs earlier with Ryan. He'll be back in a minute." he cleared his throat and lit the pipe up. I sat down in the big light brown recliner to the side of the couch. James went to the kitchen and returned with a half-empty bottle of Jagermiester and a few shot glasses. Then went back and got 3 Red Bulls.

"You doin ‘em with us Rob?" Jamie asked. I sat forward. "Uh, yeah, I guess." He scooted forward also and rested his pipe on the table; smoke drifted out of the end, like a genie coming out of its bottle. James lined up the three shot glasses on the coffee table in front of the couch and poured the Jager in. We all took our shots then chased them with the Red Bull. "Ahh!" James yelled out and shook his head. He sat down on my lap and laughed. Then kissed me on the cheek.

With a couple knocks on the metal frame of the screen door, Uncle Robbie's friend Ryan Morris walked through the door. His short skinny body looked like a clothes hanger for his shirt. "Hey guys!" Ryan shuffled across the linoleum and flopped down on a lawn chair set up near the other side of the couch. "Oh Jagerbombs again?" He smiled at us with crooked teeth and decided to join our little party. But after about 3 more shots I was stumbling. Uncle Robbie doubled over with laughter calling me a lightweight.

At about midnight Ryan was passed out on the floor and Uncle Robbie was on his phone, fighting with his new girlfriend. Although you couldn't really understand what he was saying. It was more like shouting into the phone incoherently.

Jamie snuggled up with me on the couch and laid his head down in my lap. The mixture of the alcohol running through my blood, and the contact buzz from Robbie's blunt was putting me to sleep quickly. I lightly ran my fingers through James's soft short brown hair, and drifted off.