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proust questionnaire

I'm told this might be shamelessly self-indulgent, but I can't help myself. Marcel Proust, at thirteen, called the depth of misery "[being] separated from Mama." Since then I've been trolling the Vanity Fair archives, learning more about random quasi-intellectuals (John Cusack, Jasper Johns, Quincy Jones, Julie Andrews, etc.) from the famous Proust Questionnaire than I would from a million shitty biographies (I'm looking at you, Q).

Just so you know, it's mislabeled a lot. Proust didn't write the questions, he just answered them, famously, as a youth in a time conspicuously lacking in mass media, in which indulgences like surveys constituted party entertainment.

The physics of epidemic are amazing. I'm going to keep count this time, see how many people take it. Starting with me, one, and Aaron, two. Tell me if you take it, and tell your readers to do the same. Let's see how this goes.

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1. What is your idea of perfect happiness?
Intercourse bookended by long showers.

2. What is your greatest extravagance?
A boot-cut jean in a dark wash, from Express.

3. What is your current state of mind?
Misplaced urgency.

4. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
Tie: overdependence on the approval and praise of others; extreme laziness.

5. What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Self-absorption.

6. What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
Candor.

7. What is your favorite occupation?
Likening any one thing to another.

8. What is your most marked characteristic?
The ability to complicate anything beyond reason.

9. What do you value most in your friends?
The diversity in their collective knowledge base.

10. When and where were you happiest?
Two weeks ago, at Kristin's wedding.

11. What do you dislike most about your appearance?
The length of my torso.

12. Which living person do you most despise?
But it's hard not to see Sarah Palin as the product of a culture.

13. On what occasion do you lie?
Any time it will spare any person of anything unpleasant.

14. What or who is the greatest love of your life?
Justin, to date.

15. Which talent would you most like to have?
The ability to manually rearrange my priorities.

16. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
I think I'd get a lot more out of life as a man.

17. If you could change one thing about your family, what would it be?
They would each know not to take me personally.

18. What is your most treasured possession?
My laptop, with no close second.

19. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
To completely love someone who can't love you back.

20. Who are your favorite writers?
Morrison, Niffenegger and others I haven't found yet.

21. Who is your favorite hero of fiction?
Quentin Compson.

22. What are your favorite names?
The ones I'm saving for babies.

23. What is it that you most dislike?
Being trapped within earshot of a loudly chewing person.

24. What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Loving again after Marcus.

25. If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what do you think it would be?
The memory of my erstwhile self immortalized in a photo album.

26. If you could choose what to come back as, what would it be?
A baby boy in an American suburb.

27. Where would you like to live?
Here in Chinatown, for a while.

28. How would you like to die?
Well-prepared and without pain.

29. What is your greatest regret?
Nearly everything I've ever done, with few exceptions.

30. What is your motto?
Maybe I'll develop a motto when I can look back and see I've done some things right.

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No one ever clicks on links, but:

http://www.vanityfair.com/archives/features/proust

http://www.chick.net/proust/question.html