I'm Studying You

Your Wednesday Two-fer

I finally got fed up with modern technology and blew up my phone today. Cold boot reset. Lost the pics I saved (bless you Hailey for resending your gorgeousness), my ringtones and I'm not sure what else yet. All this after waking up incredibly early again, checking emails and having to log back in to WDC after each reply that wouldn't go through anyway. At least it's not reminding me every 30 seconds that my storage is low. I'm sure there was a greater solution (limit the adult website usage of the handheld mobile device, jackass) if I looked into it, but desperate times call for desperate punk moves, y'all.

So me being up early did provide some benefits in the form of McD's breakfast burritos. Delicious and nutritious! And then I made my merry way to a place I like to call "The Wall" to print up some pics of people known as "my family". Wow did that shit turn into an adventure.

A full complement of staff, vendors and customers, with your boy playing the part of man and the MILF behind the counter playing the role of girl. At the unheard-of time of 9:30am. Much to the chagrin of the cashier, apparently.

I deliberately avoided the register and eye contact to no avail. I was spotted AND called out. "Wow!" she said, amazed and somewhat aroused sounding by the mere fact I was in the same place she was that early in the day. I had my basket, kept walking while not taking my eyeballs off the goal (the photo machines) and got loud. "It's too early for you!" I retorted, and kept steppin'. Her response? "Wow! And you've got a basket too!" I repeated myself loud enough for the store to hear. Yes, sometimes I'm a bit of a handfull when in public. Many handfulls.

Placed my digital order, picked up a few necessities and proceeded to my daily verbal abusing the checker-outer place where I get my checking out on. And hot damn is she a sharp one.

"So, you gonna clean today now that you're up so early?" Judging by the contents of my basket, no...shampoo, mouthwash, Code Red Dew and Spin magazine, no. I shot back with "Why? You comin' over?" Her chuckle sounded like she threw up a bit in her mouth as she gagged on her laughter, which felt awesome in a "How close to the closest hiding place?" kinda way. She threw in a few more zingers, I smacked her with my sarcasm stick, and we ended with seriously spiteful "have a nice day"s. Made me wanna do bad things to her family that won't be evident for generations.

At least she had the decency to offer me a newspaper, but I can't do breakfast without reading about the fuckups of this great country.

My ace-in-the-hole was my pickup time on those pictures. Remember the bike in the tree? Yeah, she saw those, the weirdo she is, before I picked them shits up. And I don't like the way Walgreens runs their photo kiosks...they assign you a time to pick up the prints. At Eckerd they printed instantly while you waited.

As advertized, they mostly were family pics, plus some that have already hit this juicy slab of internet meat. Like me looking fancy and shit. I waited til about 3 to pick those, uhhh, pics up. And that crazy woman was nowhere to be seen. To think I considered asking her to some kinda lunch date thing because I knew I was coming back and would've sold out for it, I shudder. I may have to shift my focus to the other cute (and way younger) girl with the weird facial piercing who also notes my presence and is a lot nicer to me, but also loves the CWC. And normally I duck away from facial piercings, because my eyes tend to fixate on that mutilation, but this girl is short and has nice eyes and pulls it all off well. And besides, Hailey's got a man (so let's all be middle schoolers and ooohh and ahhh...no, I'm not jealous). Just playin' girl, don't get mad.

And hey Nicole, I got your text and I hope you got mine. Seems almost like you're getting your (kidding) wish...it's like you show up in here almost as often as I do.

So wish me luck WDC, as I prepare to hit the "Done" key on this, the 251st entry and the first after the cold boot. If you made it this far, I guess it all panned out, right? Even if I still get the "white screen of death" occasionally. Still. And I haven't even looked at things that are frowned upon by both red and blue states. Yet.