Lani's Blog

I'm Tired.....

I'm tired....


of being 47. I feel 27 some days and I'm surprised when the mirror shows that middle-aged woman's face.





I'm tired....


of being ADD. Of thinking great and wonderful thoughts ( this blog for instance) and finding that I'm selfish, stupid and unrealistic.





I'm tired....


of technology passing me by. I know what a PDA is and I love mine. I know HD and updated to Vista (boy was that stupid). I can text but I hate it. I'd rather talk or email.


And I'm pretty update compared to my peers but why do I feel that I've been left in the dust?





I'm tired....


of being FAT. Not obese. That is a medical term that carries no weight, pardon the pun. Obese is clean and not my fault but FAT is my fault. FAT as in I can hardly tie my shoes and get winded doing it. FAT as in size 3X is tight and 4X is not quite right. FAT as in I'm not sure the gym equipment will hold me. It's frustrating.





I'm tired....


that no matter how much I do at work, it will never be enough. Medicine/Nursing are like that. If you are not 100% perfect bad things happen. Its hard when perfection is the standard and yet, how can it not be? I think I smell burning soul.





I'm tired....


of being the "evil rich". I'm not sure when this happened. We still have a little bit more debt to pay off so Dave Ramsey you will get that freedom call. I grew up lower middle class and  I've have worked hard, paid bills and lived life. Accordingly, income went up. So, now, I don't drive a big car. I don't live in a mansion. I don't travel the world but I'm suppose to feel guilty about we have?  Explain that to me.





I'm tired....


of myself. Of these musings rattling around. Maybe letting them out will make them seem less grandiose, less stupid, less fearful, less whatever than they are.