I'm Studying You

Buffalo Summer: Cold Women, Warm Dew

Oooohh was I a little pissy this afternoon when the Dew got warm and I got thirsty.

Which didn't make my adventure to The Wall any more fun.

I rolled in wanting to be like sunshine leaking through the crack of the door in a dark room. I left cracked.

I had no expectations. Wasn't mad that she didn't call me last night. And I ain't mad why. And I could be. But I really don't give a fuck.

(that last statement probably means I actually do, and too much more than I should)

I wasn't even gonna bring it up. I was jovial. She was, uhhhh, suffering from whatthefuckitis of the mouth.

"Sorry I didn't call you last night," all nonchalantly, "I didn't come home after work."

I said it's cool and I probably wouldn't answer anyway. [insert her shocked expression here] I was out helping Diane upstairs weed the backyard and driveway and wouldn't have heard the phone.

Ok, let's not all let the speculation grow legs and kick the shit out of me and run amok. I can drive myself apeshizzle thinking about every freakin' parameter of the extent to which this story has turned, or I can say fuck it and let the pony out the gate to see if it comes back. And not cry that it was me that opened the gate to begin with.

The cherry on today's Walgreens Sunday? She says "I'll give you a call one of these days. I swear." Bullshit and I can see it from miles away. And if I'm wrong may God kick me where she first split me if Jess actually does call me. I'm not holding my breath. Breathe it in breathe it out, now what it really be about? Life. Got no time for nonsense. I'm still learning how not to dwell on things.

So fuck it. I don't care.

And if anyone asks, I'm fine. The sunshine that wakes you up in the morning when you could use maybe another half-hour of sleep...that's me today. Sunshine.