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Printed from https://writing.com/main/books/entry_id/593750-First-Person-SingularTwenty-Two-Shades-of-You
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Rated: 18+ · Book · Writing · #464720
You supply the reading. I'll supply the writing.
#593750 added November 24, 2008 at 3:21pm
Restrictions: None
First Person Singular...Twenty Two Shades of You
Well hello there. Welcome to this journal entry. I haven't seen you here in awhile. My oh my but don't you look stunning, standing there in that beautiful, fancy, puffy sleeves gown. What colour is that?

Periwinkle...like the sea shells?

Oh...like the plant. Well you look gorgeous. Periwinkle brings out your eyes. The white lace gloves and tiara are a nice touch. You almost look like a princess.

Oh you're supposed to look like a princess?

A fairy princess?

No, I didn't notice your wand and fairy wings. They're very fetching.

You got them on eBay? I once worte a journal entry that mentioned eBay fairy wings. Is that where you got the idea?

No? Oh. So you're an eBay fairy princess then?

Sorry. You're the fairy Princess Elfina from the magical fairy kingdom of Srcunch...youngest daughter of King Hebron?

Oh, youngest and prettiest daughter of king Hebron. I see you've put a lot of thought into this. It just so happens you're not the only beautiful fairy princess to visit my journal today. Often I can go for months on end without a fairy princess dropping by, but today I have three of you here. Would you like to meet the other two?

If you'd like to follow me then. They're just through here.

Oh no, I didn't mean him. That's Stinky Pete. Stinky Pete hangs out at my Writing.com port because he's got nowhere else to go. He's portless.

Yes, it is sad. You wouldn't be interested in letting Stinky Pete hang out at your place would you?

I didn't think so. Over here is where I ask all my fairy princess visitors to sit. Ladies...this is the fairy Princess Elfina...form the magical fairy kingdom of Scrench.

Oops. Sorry...the magical fairy kingdom of Scrunch...youngest daughter of King Hebron. Did I get that right?

Good...and this is the fairy Princess Blossom, daughter of King Mertheyll, from the magical fairy kingdom of Plaith...

Plieth...sorry...and this is the fairy Princess Maude...Maude Wozniak...from Brooklyn. Oh look...Maude has on the exact same gown as you Elfina. Isn't that neat?

Okay ladies...Ladies! There's no need for that. That behaviour is not very ladylike and certainly not fairy princessy.

No, Stinky Pete. I don't think it would help things by telling them which one I think looks the prettiest...and would you mind not touching them Stinky Pete. I know where those fingers of your's have been. These are fairy princesses afterall. Show some respect Stinky.

Please ladies...LADIES! I don't want to have to pick which one of you is the fairest fairy princess. Can't we all just sit down and get along?

Ladies...don't make me choose.

Blossom! There's no need for that...and Maude...I've never seen this side of you before.

Okay...okay. If I have to choose...then I choose Elfina. She's been a long time visitor to my port and a very dear friend. I choose Elfina.

No...Elfina.

Sorry Blossom. Sorry Maude. I didn't want to choose between you. I don't like hurting your feelings but you put me in a very difficult position. How about we put all this foolishness behind us and we start all over again?

Okay then...I'm sorry you feel that way. Stinky Pete...would you show Blossom and Maude out please? And Stinky Pete...would you shut the door behind you...as you leave too.

Yes Stinky...you too.

No Stinky...I don't think that's a good idea.

Just because...now go.

Good...they're gone. Sorry about that Elfina. That was most unpleasant wasn't it? Here...let me straighten your tiara.

That's better. I forgot to ask you...why are you supposed to be the fairy princess Elfina anyways?

Oh. I never would have guessed.

Can I get you anything to drink?

Sorry...I don't have any clam juice.

You only drink clam juice?

It makes your cheeks rosey and helps stop dandruff huh? I'll bet it doesn't do the clams any good though. Okay then, would you like me to show you around?

Yes. I don't know about other Writing.com ports, but logging onto my journal is magical. People log into my journal and are instantly warped through my computer monitor right to my house. See there's my computer and computer desk...right beside this window. I love looking out this window, especially when the honeysuckle and lilac are in bloom.

Yup, that's my bedroom, and directly out my bedroom window is an apple tree surrounded by locust trees. See?

No, they're not black locusts They're clammy locust. Black locust flowers are creamy white while these flowers are pink.

Yes they are quite beautiful. I've found porcupines are fond of eating locust leaves and flowers. Several times over the years porcupines have been munching in these trees. Once there was a mother and two little ones. The first time it happened I didn't realize it was a porcupine making those weird noises right beside my upstairs bedroom window late one night. Porcupines are most active at night and can make the weirdest noises. I didn't know what it was at first...but enough about flowering trees and hungry porcupines...so tell me Elfina, are you left or right brain dominant?

You don't know? Well let's find out. Clasp your hands together and interlace your fingers.

You'll have to put your fairy princess wand down first.

Yes, clasp your hands together just like that.

Your left thumb is on top, that means you're right brain dominant, just like me. The right side of your brain controls your visual, intuitive and spatial processes. Right brainers are valued more in eastern cultures than in the west. When right brainers talk they look at you while listening and look away to the left when answering a question. They think of one thing but say another because their brain has already moved on to another thought and they are therefore often misunderstood. Right brainers are non-judgmental and often have no opinion on many topics. They can see both sides. They see the whole person and are less likely to condemn a person because of a flaw. Right brainers embrace new ideas. They believe everything is possible and tend to be very creative. Right brainers make good athletes, artists and musicians.*



*(Disclaimer...because I'm a lazy sod, I copied the above right brain stuff from this site...

http://educationalissues.suite101.com/article.cfm/right_brain_characteristics

Right brainers may be lazy sods but we're not plagiarists. PS...we also make great lovers)



Yes, it would appear I know quite a lot about right brainers, but I don't really. Didin't you read my disclaimer directly above?

You didn't?

Coz you're also a lazy sod. That's cute. No wonder we get along so well. (Insert smiley face here)

No...I wouldn't say I despise left brainers...and I certainly don't think they should all be sterilized so they can no longer breed...that's not a very fairy princesslike thing to say Elfina. They can't help being inferior. They should be pitied, not hated.

Yes...I agree. Stinky Pete is probably a left brainer.

So tell me Elfina...do you ever buy french fries thinking they're straight cut, only to find when you open the packaging they're shoestring?

Yes, I hate that also. I'll bet shoestring french fries only appeal to left brainers...and the French. I think they're a needless waste of valuable potato cutting time. Crinkle cut and beefeater french fries are better uses for potatoes wouldn't you say?

Yes...you're absolutely right Elfina. I am being overly negative and judgemental this journal entry aren't I? My previous entry was crappy too. I haven't written anything worthwhile in a long time. I think I need to get away and recharge my batteries. I haven't been canoeing in ages. Canoeing always relaxes and invigorates me. Wanna come?

Sure you are Elfina. You're dressed okay. I've seen plenty of people dressed in fairy princess costumes out canoeing. Be spontaneous. I'm sure you'll love it.

Great! I know just the perfect place. Thousands of square miles of virgin wilderness with countless interconnecting rivers and lakes. Not another soul for miles around. No cars or smog or noise. Only the sound of the water gently rubbing up against the canoe and dripping off our paddles. It's really very peaceful and relaxing...the only trouble is, this perfect canoeing place I have in mind is on the other side of the province and there's not enough time to get there before nightfall.

You can? Your fairy princess wand is real? Really?

WOW! I guess it is. We're here already! That thing must save you a fortune on gas...and you warped us right to Jake's Landing where we can rent a canoe. That's fantastic. You wait here Elfina while I go sort out the canoe.

Hello...I'd like to rent a canoe please. For the day...yes, two people. One lazy sod and one fairy princess.

Oh...

Well thanks anyways.

I'm sorry Elfina but they won't rent us a canoe.

Because of your wings. The life jacket won't fit over your eBay wings.

Yes...I agree. Heartless left brained bastards. Maybe you'd like to go dancing instead? Or how about some rock climbing?

Oh I see. Your fairy princess wand only grants one wish a day huh? So how are we supposed to get back home now? It's an awfully long walk back to my place...especially in those heels of your's. Are they glass slippers by any chance?

Nice touch. Here then Elfina. You best hop on. I'll piggyback you. We probably won't get back to my place until sometime next week...or we can hang out here at the lake tonight...rent a cabin...cuddle up in front of a roaring fire...and use your one wand wish to warp back tomorrow.

You'd rather piggyback? I was afraid you'd say that. Okay then...hop aboard.

Ouch. Watch the wand Elfina.

No...I can't go any faster.

Whew...I can see we're gonna have to roly poly down the steep hills.

You don't know what roly polying is?

Well you're gonna find out.

I'd like to see a left brainer piggyback someone for days on end.

This entry is now over. Say goodnight Elfina.

Good girl. That's a good fairy princess.









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